Meir Panim delivers warmth, special care to families in need.
Last week I began to share the list of triggers put together by the Ahavas Chesed of Montreal. This list discusses the daily events that can cause an intense emotional reaction in our survivor population. The reason for the response is noted along with the possible emotional reaction to the trigger that an observer might see. It is the hope that caregivers, doctors, relatives and anyone else who is interacting with a survivor who is reacting in this manner, will better understand what is causing the reaction. In this way they can deal with the person and be able to give the help that is needed in a more appropriate manner. Below is the rest of the list of triggers, reasons and reactions.
TRIGGER REASON REACTION
Smell of feces or urine
On the long rides to concentration camps, many hundreds of people were crowded into boxcars. Because there was no room to sit, people had to stand for hours. There was no food, bathrooms or air. Often people died during the trip and others were unable to hold their bowel movements or urine. The smell of waste may easily trigger the memory of those train rides. Sanitary conditions in the camps were terrible. If a man or a woman wasn’t allowed to go to the barracks for toilet facilities, they may have had to soil themselves.
Refusal to use washrooms, incontinence or withholding, anxiety.
Crowds, small spaces, elevators
Conditions for Holocaust survivors were often overcrowded. When Jews were rounded up and made to live in ghettos, they were crowded together. Several families were often made to share quarters in apartments or homes meant for one family. In the barracks of the concentration camps, four to six people often shared one “koya” or sleeping shelf.
Hiding or hoarding food, eating too quickly
Whether in the ghettoes or in concentration camps, food was scarce. When food became available, people sometimes rationed themselves so there would be something left over in case they would not receive food again for a while. Some people stole food so they could bring it to their family members too weak to stand in the rationing lines. If someone was extremely hungry, he would have eaten the food he received very quickly.
Hoarding or hiding food, eating quickly.
Frightening things happened in the dark. An inmate of a concentration camp or someone in hiding was also terrorized by the dark.
Request for personal or financial information
Survivors were robbed of all their assets and had to start over. They were also desperately secretive about personal information for fear of incrimination that would mean certain imprisonment or death for oneself or a family member.
Refusal to cooperate, anxiety.
Lack of privacy
Whether in a ghetto, in hiding or in a concentration camp, there was no privacy at all. At any given moment, there were people, soldiers, or surprise assaults ready to invade someone’s space.
Using this information may help us all, relatives, friends and professionals, better understand the anxiety displayed by our aging survivor population. Being with a person who reacts with great trepidation to any of these every day “triggers“ should be a signal to us to realize that they are reacting to their past experience. Their fear is as real as if they are once again faced with the horrors they experienced in the war. It is up to us to help them and that first begins with understanding where this fear and their reaction are coming from.
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Are we allowed to lie for shalom bayis? It would seem so, but what might be a healthy guideline for when it’s okay and when it’s not?
The connection between what I experienced as a high school teenager and the adult I am today did not come easy to me.
Isn’t therapy about being yourself; aren’t there different ways for people to communicate with each other?
Participating in ManiCures during the school day may feel like a break from learning, but the intended message to the students was loud and clear. Learning and chesed come in all forms, and can be fun.
Building campaign chairman Jack Gluck has led the effort over many years.
When using an extension cord always make sure to use the correct rated extension cord.
There was no question that when Mrs. Cohen entered the room to meet the teacher she was hostile from the outset.
Szold was among the founders and leaders (she served on its executive committee) of Ichud (“Unity”), a political group that campaigned against the creation of an independent, sovereign Jewish state in Eretz Yisrael.
My friend is a strong and capable Jewish woman, but she acted with a passivity that seemed out of character.
“If you don’t stand straight, you’ll never get a husband.”
When one is blind one learns to use Braille to read. When one cannot walk, a wheelchair gives mobility. Sign language allows a mute person to speak and ocular implants assist in hearing when one is deaf. These are all compensatory strategies that help a person function despite his disability. But compensatory strategies are not just for physical problems. Understanding our psychological weaknesses and setting up our lives to ensure that we are not tempted to repeat our past mistakes, is as necessary as any aid to the disabled.
Well spouses have often discovered that their friends and relatives, despite their closeness to the situation, often don’t realize the tremendous emotional impact living with chronic illness has on the family. With the best intentions, suggestions, ideas and criticism are offered, based on the non-experience of those with healthy families. Even when the good intentioned get a taste of the difficulties, it is sometimes not enough for them to then identify and understand what the family of the chronically ill must face on a constant basis.
Over the past two weeks I have shared letters from a therapist and a well spouse. Both of the letters gave personal insights into the process of losing hope, how we react when that happens and some ways of coping when test scores, diagnosis and just simple repetitive behavior indicate that change for the better is impossible.
I’ve read your last few articles on psycho-neurological testing (Oct.8-22) with interest. As a therapist who has counseled couples dealing with chronic illness, I’d like to give you another perspective.
Your articles on the Neuro-Psychological Testing were right on (October 8-22). My husband underwent testing twice and your articles explained it things exactly the way they were. Besides the test, we also tried therapy.
Very often when we can’t face our big hurts or big loses we focus on the little ones. We can discuss those. We can cry over the small loses, be angry at the smaller hurts even though it may look trite and sound ridiculous to others.
Over the last two weeks we have been discussing one way in which well spouses can determine whether behavior displayed by their ill partners is caused by their illness or is a way they have chosen to act. We have focused on Psycho-Neurological testing, what it can tell us, as well as its pros and cons.
Last week I discussed a question that haunts many well spouses: not knowing if the difficult and often inappropriate behavior frequently displayed by their partners are caused by the disease and therefore not-controllable, or if the behavior is a choice the spouse makes and can therefore be changed. This doubt can be the source of much frustration and many marital disagreements. One way of alleviating this doubt is by having a psycho- neurological work up done. But that path is not so simple.
Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/caring-for-our-seniors-and-holocaust-survivors-a-conference-part-3/2008/01/09/
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