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September 1, 2015 / 17 Elul, 5775
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Out To Lupper

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But anyway, the biggest draw this year was Empire’s booth, which featured the world’s largest chicken nugget, measuring almost 4 inches across.

No, I’m just kidding, although that probably would have won.  They actually went all out, and made it 3.25 feet long and 2 feet wide – the size of 720 regular chicken nuggets.  It’s also encased in 2 ½ pounds of breading, which is more than an entire loaf of bread.  Altogether, it weighs 51 pounds.  They needed two people to lift it.

I guess they take this nugget around to all the different food shows, and it’s becoming kind of their mascot.  Like Big Bird.

Of course, the question you’re thinking, other than “Why?” is “What makes this a huge chicken nugget and not just a pretty big chicken cutlet?”

Fortunately, there were two people standing near the nugget to make sure it didn’t fall on anyone or eat any of the other displays, and also to answer questions like, “Is this a sample?”  and “Who’s going home with this at the end of the day?  Is there gonna be a raffle?”

So I asked my question, because I’m an intrepid reporter who strives to bring you the facts, especially if they involve giant chicken nuggets.

The way it was explained to me is that a nugget is broken down and then put back together, whereas a cutlet is just a piece of a chicken.  And good luck finding a chicken that big.  “Largest chicken cutlet” would mean that you first need the world’s largest chicken, which would have to weigh at least 51 pounds without bones in one quarter.  You’d think that would have made the news first.  Especially since the average chicken weighs about 5 pounds total, and is optimally designed to be lifted over your head with one hand while holding a machzor.

 

 

Dear Mordechai,

What should we do for mid-winter vacation?

Cooped Up

Dear Cooped,

I don’t remember this being an issue when I was a kid.  I don’t remember my school ever giving off for mid-winter vacation.  I always went to the kind of school that basically gave off on a Sunday.  One year we also had a Friday off.  I never even noticed it.  I thought my parents just forgot to bring me one Sunday.  And I wasn’t going to say anything.

But mid-winter vacation is an especially big issue this year, because we have an especially long winter.  Rosh Hashanah was insanely early, and we have at least 3 or 4 Adars.

So there are actually a few schools of thought on the topic:

There’s a school of thought that says that you should go somewhere warm, because it’s the winter, and you need a vacation from the cold, even if it means digging around to find your summer clothes and changing in mid-flight.  (Those airline bathrooms are great for changing.)

But then there’s a school of thought that you should go somewhere cold, because you can always go somewhere warm in the summer.  When else are you going to go skiing?  Skiing is expensive enough, considering gravity is basically doing all the work.

And then there’s the school of thought that just because the kids have no school, does that mean they need a vacation?  They’re on vacation. They’re home. You know who needs a vacation?  You do. All winter long, you’re doing carpools or staying home with a sick kid every other day, because all they seem to pick up in school is ear infections, and now the school wants you to just take your kids all day?  And you have to take off of work for this?  So maybe you should go on vacation.

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