web analytics
July 2, 2015 / 15 Tammuz, 5775
At a Glance
Blogs
Sponsored Post


Mazel Tov, Rabbi Tzvi Fishman!!


Rabbi Tzvi

For now, until I draw up an official manifesto and program, be sure to get yourselves Skype. That way, every morning, you will be able to see me on your computer screen and receive a daily blessing from me, along with a new Jewish teaching.

I still don’t have a name for the new Jewish movement, so I’d be happy to hear your suggestions. How about Digital Judaism, or Cyberspace Judaism, or Virtual Judaism – I like the sound of that. Or maybe Non-Judaism. Or Jodoism. Or Jewhoo? Or Joogle? How does the name Xtianity sound to you? After all, if we are going to junk all of the Torah’s commandments, why not just call ourselves “modern day Xtian Jews”? You can’t get more universal and integrated than that!

Please send in your name suggestions to The Jewish Press comments section at the end of this blog, or to the new “Facebook Rabbi” page that I hope to be opening. And for now on, when you send replies or messages to me, or requests for blessings, please address me as Rabbi Tzvi.

(I am available to preside at non-Jewish bar and bat mitzvahs, bar mitzvahs for dogs, interfaith marriages, homosexual castrations, and I will be giving tennis lessons twice a week to lesbians – please wear modest attire.)

About the Author: Tzvi Fishman was awarded the Israel Ministry of Education Prize for Creativity and Jewish Culture for his novel "Tevye in the Promised Land." A wide selection of his books are available at Amazon.

The author's opinion does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Jewish Press.

If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

15 Responses to “Mazel Tov, Rabbi Tzvi Fishman!!”

  1. Pninah Means Millson Mason says:

    Tzvi, excellent as always.

  2. Oriana Cottard says:

    Ouaaah Tzvi… you are joking now yea????? a little bit scarry really…… lol. Imagine only…. hmmm ouuuuff lala…

  3. Liad Bar-el says:

    Ha Ha Ha! I see dovbear running over the mountains toward you with all of his cubs.:-) After a day of fasting, two cups of EZ Go will do you wonders.:-)

    BTW, excellent blog! We all know that everything you mentioned is not new and is being done today. Great way to get your point across.

  4. Yehuda Cohen says:

    Your first customer!
    Please send a Mohel certificate for my wife with the title “Hatchet Jane”.
    Instead of money, I’m willing to trade you my dog with two pooper scoopers – one for the inside of the house and the other for the outside.

  5. Emet Sheva says:

    Tzvi – You are the funniest Jewish writer of our time! This is show of force that we need to see more of from the flimsy PC ridden World Jewry – waking up with a smile is better then with a whip – its a wake up call, a real one! Toda Raba

  6. Zahava Zer says:

    omg this is hilarious! excellent post!

  7. Shofar Man says:

    Question for Rabbi Tzvi: If my wife is the Rabbi, what does that make me a Rebbit in Yiddish or Rabban in Hebrew?

  8. Susan Hoffman says:

    Tongue in cheek(y) is alive and well in Jews! The $5,000 check is in the mail.

  9. FanOf Tzvi says:

    I'd jest knuw et.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Jew de vivre, Rabbi Tzvi!

  11. Yeremiahu Rueben Yonteff says:

    Ha

  12. Richard Simpson says:

    Call it NuJ ;).

  13. Marianne Meyer Nielssen says:

    Come on all you progressive Jews out there! You need to have more children so that we might outnumber the haredi lunatics!!!

Comments are closed.

Tzvi Fishman, author of the Jewish Press blog Felafel on Rye and author of more than a dozen books.
Current Top Story
ISIS leads captured Egyptian Copts in death march.
Analysis: ISIS Will Go Down to Defeat in Egypt
Latest Blogs Stories
Malachi Rosenfeld HY"D

Israel & world Jewry are under attack and in grave danger but UN’s focus is denouncing Israel

Doug Goldstein

What is human chess? How easy is it to predict the actions of others?

Rethink UN bias against Israel

It’s time to stand up against the bias & no longer accept the constant UN prejudice against Israel.

Malachi Moshe Rosenfeld, one of four injured in a terror attack near the West Bank settlement of Shvut Rachel, north of Ramallah, has died (HYD)

Malachi Moshe Rosenfeld, injured in a terror attack in Samaria, has died (HYD)

Allah is NOT merciful: Stabbing, beheading, shooting innocents is barbaric & cowardly acts of terror

How could the Jerusalem Post think the attack could have been other than a terrorist act?

Going to Mt of Olives cemetery was like visiting Jurassic Park in a jeep with dinosaurs rampaging

Hanan Porat z”l, teary-eyed said ” We returned to the Gush(Etzion)we shall return to the Gush(Katif)

“Mispachology”: Theory you share a common link with someone you’ve never met or been in contact with

It seems that Pres. Rivlin has joined all other so-called Right politicians and now is trending Left

Dear Muslims, Happy Ramadan. It’s clear from the news that your people are having a “bang-up” month

The President was right, every Jew should have a gun. He just asked the wrong person about it.

Everybody knows that during Ramadan Arab Muslim terror attacks increase.

UN says Hamas tried to warn us of rocket attacks? I was here. Not once did those…I want to scream

{Originally posted to the author’s website, Emes Ve-Emunah} The inevitable finally happened. Rabbi Avi Weiss has dispensed with his prior refusal to call his female ordainees ‘rabbis’.  I challenged him to stop dancing around that title with made up titles  (like Raba and Maharat) and he finally rose to the challenge. His motivation in not […]

How can you transform thinking to action? What are the mountains you need to climb to reach goals?

More Articles from Tzvi Fishman
Tzvi Fishman at Cemetery of Mount of Olives

Going to Mt of Olives cemetery was like visiting Jurassic Park in a jeep with dinosaurs rampaging

The "Rightist" author and artist, Tzvi Fishman

To boost aliya, Israel will encourage Marshall’s, Costco, K Mart & Entenmann’s Bakeries to open here

Of course there’s air in America, but it isn’t the holy air of Eretz Yisrael.

The warnings came true: Among the 1000 released terrorists, many returned to terror activity

Torah is to be lived. Rabbi Moshe Levinger was a completely living Torah, the Torah of Eretz Yisrael

Without Israel, the Jewish People are scattered nomads lacking Torah’s true national grandeur&power

If other pleasures exceed the joy we feel for Jerusalem, then something is wrong with our Judaism.

There will be peace when we listen to G-d and do want he tells us to do – all for our very own good.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/blogs/felafel-on-rye/mazel-tov-rabbi-tzvi-fishman/2012/07/09/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: