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For now, until I draw up an official manifesto and program, be sure to get yourselves Skype. That way, every morning, you will be able to see me on your computer screen and receive a daily blessing from me, along with a new Jewish teaching.

I still don’t have a name for the new Jewish movement, so I’d be happy to hear your suggestions. How about Digital Judaism, or Cyberspace Judaism, or Virtual Judaism – I like the sound of that. Or maybe Non-Judaism. Or Jodoism. Or Jewhoo? Or Joogle? How does the name Xtianity sound to you? After all, if we are going to junk all of the Torah’s commandments, why not just call ourselves “modern day Xtian Jews”? You can’t get more universal and integrated than that!

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Please send in your name suggestions to The Jewish Press comments section at the end of this blog, or to the new “Facebook Rabbi” page that I hope to be opening. And for now on, when you send replies or messages to me, or requests for blessings, please address me as Rabbi Tzvi.

(I am available to preside at non-Jewish bar and bat mitzvahs, bar mitzvahs for dogs, interfaith marriages, homosexual castrations, and I will be giving tennis lessons twice a week to lesbians – please wear modest attire.)

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15 COMMENTS

  1. Ha Ha Ha! I see dovbear running over the mountains toward you with all of his cubs.:-) After a day of fasting, two cups of EZ Go will do you wonders.:-)

    BTW, excellent blog! We all know that everything you mentioned is not new and is being done today. Great way to get your point across.

  2. Your first customer!
    Please send a Mohel certificate for my wife with the title “Hatchet Jane”.
    Instead of money, I’m willing to trade you my dog with two pooper scoopers – one for the inside of the house and the other for the outside.

  3. Tzvi – You are the funniest Jewish writer of our time! This is show of force that we need to see more of from the flimsy PC ridden World Jewry – waking up with a smile is better then with a whip – its a wake up call, a real one! Toda Raba

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