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September 15, 2014 / 20 Elul, 5774
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Mazel Tov, Rabbi Tzvi Fishman!!


Rabbi Tzvi

For now, until I draw up an official manifesto and program, be sure to get yourselves Skype. That way, every morning, you will be able to see me on your computer screen and receive a daily blessing from me, along with a new Jewish teaching.

I still don’t have a name for the new Jewish movement, so I’d be happy to hear your suggestions. How about Digital Judaism, or Cyberspace Judaism, or Virtual Judaism – I like the sound of that. Or maybe Non-Judaism. Or Jodoism. Or Jewhoo? Or Joogle? How does the name Xtianity sound to you? After all, if we are going to junk all of the Torah’s commandments, why not just call ourselves “modern day Xtian Jews”? You can’t get more universal and integrated than that!

Please send in your name suggestions to The Jewish Press comments section at the end of this blog, or to the new “Facebook Rabbi” page that I hope to be opening. And for now on, when you send replies or messages to me, or requests for blessings, please address me as Rabbi Tzvi.

(I am available to preside at non-Jewish bar and bat mitzvahs, bar mitzvahs for dogs, interfaith marriages, homosexual castrations, and I will be giving tennis lessons twice a week to lesbians – please wear modest attire.)

About the Author: Tzvi Fishman was awarded the Israel Ministry of Education Prize for Creativity and Jewish Culture for his novel "Tevye in the Promised Land." For the past several years, he has written a popular and controversial blog at Arutz 7. A wide selection of his books are available at Amazon. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not represent the views of The Jewish Press


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15 Responses to “Mazel Tov, Rabbi Tzvi Fishman!!”

  1. Pninah Means Millson Mason says:

    Tzvi, excellent as always.

  2. Oriana Cottard says:

    Ouaaah Tzvi… you are joking now yea????? a little bit scarry really…… lol. Imagine only…. hmmm ouuuuff lala…

  3. Liad Bar-el says:

    Ha Ha Ha! I see dovbear running over the mountains toward you with all of his cubs.:-) After a day of fasting, two cups of EZ Go will do you wonders.:-)

    BTW, excellent blog! We all know that everything you mentioned is not new and is being done today. Great way to get your point across.

  4. Yehuda Cohen says:

    Your first customer!
    Please send a Mohel certificate for my wife with the title “Hatchet Jane”.
    Instead of money, I’m willing to trade you my dog with two pooper scoopers – one for the inside of the house and the other for the outside.

  5. Emet Sheva says:

    Tzvi – You are the funniest Jewish writer of our time! This is show of force that we need to see more of from the flimsy PC ridden World Jewry – waking up with a smile is better then with a whip – its a wake up call, a real one! Toda Raba

  6. Zahava Zer says:

    omg this is hilarious! excellent post!

  7. Shofar Man says:

    Question for Rabbi Tzvi: If my wife is the Rabbi, what does that make me a Rebbit in Yiddish or Rabban in Hebrew?

  8. Susan Hoffman says:

    Tongue in cheek(y) is alive and well in Jews! The $5,000 check is in the mail.

  9. FanOf Tzvi says:

    I'd jest knuw et.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Jew de vivre, Rabbi Tzvi!

  11. Yeremiahu Rueben Yonteff says:

    Ha

  12. Richard Simpson says:

    Call it NuJ ;).

  13. Marianne Meyer Nielssen says:

    Come on all you progressive Jews out there! You need to have more children so that we might outnumber the haredi lunatics!!!

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Tzvi Fishman, author of the Jewish Press blog Felafel on Rye and author of more than a dozen books.
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