web analytics
April 27, 2015 / 8 Iyar, 5775
At a Glance
Blogs
Sponsored Post


My Big Fat Jewish Wedding


Photo: Orthodox Jewish wedding with chupah in Vienna.

Orthodox Jewish wedding with chupah in Vienna.
Photo Credit: Gryffindor / Wiki Commons

צאנז 111 from bhol on Vimeo.

Not being a Chasid of his (or Chasid of any kind) I don’t really know much about the Munkatcher Rebbe. But if he is like most other Chasidic Rebbes, he will have a huge blowout of a wedding next Monday for his grandson – similar to the one in the above video for the Sanzer Rebbe. The size of those crowds are comparable to those of Presidential inaugurations. Crowds numbering 10,000 people are not uncommon. An article in Matzav.com adds:

The chuppah will take place on the promenade in front of the shul on an especially erected elevated chuppah to ensure that all participants can see and hear all that transpires.

Following the chuppah, special buses will ferry the throngs of chasidim to the cavernous Palace Ballrooms on McDonald Avenue where the celebration will continue. During the meal, thousands of chasidim and well-wishers will have the opportunity to personally wish mazal tov to the Rebbe and mechutanim.

Whenever I see one of these events, I am reminded on the so called “Wedding Takanos”. These were guidelines established by members of the Agudah Moetzes (but not officially by the Moetzes themselves if I understand correctly) in order to combat a phenomenon where tons of money and resources are spent on lavish affairs.  They include*:

The Wedding:Typical families may only seat up to 400 invited guests at the seudah. The kabbolat panim smorgasbord should be limited to basic cakes, fruit platters, a modest buggest (sic), and the caterer’s standard chicken or meat hot dishes. The seuda menu is limited to three coures (sic) plus a regular dessert.

No Viennese table. No bar.

The Music:A band should consist of a maximum of 5 musicians or four plus vocalist. Recommended: a one man band.

Flowers and Chupa Decor: Total cost should not exceed $1,800. It is one thing when wealthy people have a lavish wedding. But the “Keeping up with the Cohens and Katzes” factor has caused some people who cannot afford it to do the same thing. They borrow money –sometimes putting second mortgages on their homes just to have that lavish wedding for their own children. And ‘prove to the world’ how successful they are. All that debt for keeping up an image – and one day of fun!

Contrast this with the tuition crisis. The parents who go into huge debt to make lavish weddings for their children are the same parents who ask for – and receive scholarships based on their actual income.

I need not go into the details of how unfair that is to schools whose huge budgets go mostly to pay teachers. Teachers that deserve to be paid a lot more than they actually are paid. These budgets require huge tuition bills which are more or less based on a cost per child basis to the school. A typical Orthodox family with four children will generate a tuition bill of at least $40,000 per year and a lot more in many schools.

Most people do not earn enough to pay that kind of after-tax money and require scholarship assistance. Thus placing a burden on the school to raise enough the difference between what parents pay and what they should pay. In many cases fundraising goals are not, putting schools in to debt. Year after year of accumulating debt in order to just meet the payroll obligations to their underpaid teachers.

One can easily see the absurdity and gross unfairness of parents borrowing money way over their heads to pay for a lavish wedding (just to keep up with the Katzes) who have in the past asked for and gotten scholarship assistance.

Although these wedding Takanos are well intentioned, I’m not sure they have been all that effective. Which means that there are still people borrowing money for weddings they can’t really afford.

As an aside I have never been a fan of these Takanos because I believe that wealthy people have a right to spend their money as they choose provided they meet all their financial obligations. And the wealthy people I know do meet their obligations and a lot more. The problem is with those who are not wealthy but for some reason feel the need to project that image. If a Takana could be made so that the wealthy would not be affected, I might support it. But Takanos don’t work that way.

About the Author: Harry Maryles runs the blog "Emes Ve-Emunah" which focuses on current events and issues that effect the Jewish world in general and Orthodoxy in particular. It discuses Hashkafa and news events of the day - from a Centrist perspctive and a philosphy of Torah U'Mada. He can be reached at hmaryles@yahoo.com.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “My Big Fat Jewish Wedding”

Comments are closed.

Binyamin and Chaya Maryles, uncle and aunt of Emes Ve-Emunah author Harry Maryles.
Current Top Story
Princeton University students voted down an Israel Divestment referendum in April, 2015.
Inside Look at Princeton’s Israel Divestment Failure
Latest Blogs Stories
empirestatebuildinginnewyorkgeneralview4361.jpeg

Truly, in the modern world, we live in the time of ‘What’s in it for me?’ The time of the ‘selfie’!

A Soldier's Mother

My final reaction remains – who builds a mountain of ashes, who turns it into a “tourist” site?

to bibi or not to bibi

Is the recent increase in Arab terror attacks related to the fact that there’s no new government?

HaAchim Gat playing Beit Shemesh

They called it “religious coercion” but it was really “secular coercion” and secular intolerance.

One exciting element of traveling is that it was my first time ever doing so as a dual-citizen!

Attackers of this innocent religious solider had been brainwashed that Israel is evil & illegitimate

How can you take care of the one you love and look after your finances at the same time?

Celebrating 67 years of democratic independence, surviving wars&threats; so much to be thankful for!

He was a Torah giant, uniquely exemplifying the Hashkafa of Torah U’Mada (Torah & worldly knowledge)

All Israel walks beside them, holding them in our hearts, listening, our hearts breaking with theirs

I’ve felt that if only we had established these communities sooner, then the victims would not have been killed

Is inflation always bad for the economy, and why is deflation not always an ideal situation?

It is the character of the individual that counts, not his sexual preferences.

Bibi gives a great speech, especially when talking to foreigners, but on policy, he’s very weak.

One of us had the chutzpah to ask him to join the ball game. He said okay and he played aggressively.

Watch this Doug Goldstein video to learn how easy it’s to open a US brokerage account from overseas.

More Articles from Harry Maryles
empirestatebuildinginnewyorkgeneralview4361.jpeg

Truly, in the modern world, we live in the time of ‘What’s in it for me?’ The time of the ‘selfie’!

Remains of the back window of the car driven in Mea Shearim by an officer of a Hareidi IDF unit.

Attackers of this innocent religious solider had been brainwashed that Israel is evil & illegitimate

He was a Torah giant, uniquely exemplifying the Hashkafa of Torah U’Mada (Torah & worldly knowledge)

It is the character of the individual that counts, not his sexual preferences.

“I am 100% convinced that she is not in any way anti-Semitic. She is in fact a philo-Semite”

Chumros-YES! But when it comes to the Chilul HaShem described in the article they couldn’t care less

Why are employers reluctant to hire Charedim? Legitimate concerns or plain old fashioned prejudice?

Just like the shoppers on Black Friday those attending Rav Wosner’s funeral were oblivious to others

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/blogs/haemtza/my-big-fat-jewish-wedding/2012/08/28/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: