web analytics
November 27, 2014 / 5 Kislev, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
IDC Herzliya Campus A Day on Campus

To mark IDC Herzliya’s 20th anniversary, we spent a day following Prof. Uriel Reichman, IDC’s founder and president, and Jonathan Davis, VP for External Relations, around its delightful campus.



Combating Inappropriate Touching


Respler-083013

Dear Dr. Yael:

I am sending my oldest son to a Pre-1A this year and am very anxious about inappropriate touching. I do not know if I should speak to my son about this and, if I choose to, I do not know what I should say. I want to protect my son from any kind of inappropriate situation, but I also do not want to scare him. My goal is for my son to have a warm and loving relationship with his rebbe.

How do I balance my wish to protect him with the desire to provide him with a successful school year?

An Anxious Mother

Dear Anxious Mother:

Unfortunately, inappropriate touching exists in many settings today and it would be prudent for you to speak with your son about this before he begins the school year. Do not specifically refer to his rebbe, so that your talk does not affect the student/rebbe relationship. Instead of saying “you must tell Mommy if your rebbe touches you in a private place,” say something like “everywhere that is covered by your bathing suit is private, and no one should ever touch you there.” Explain to him that while you may help him in the shower and that a doctor might have to examine him, in general no one should be touching his private places. And clarify to him that if someone, chas v’shalom, touches him in his private areas, he should immediately tell you or his father. You must then inform the school and the proper authorities.

Explain to him that that this type of behavior is never okay – even if someone promises him a present, threatens him, or tells him it is okay. And stress again that he must inform you of what happened regardless of what the other person may say to him.

Assure your son that no one will ever hurt him, you or his father, and that he should never be afraid to tell you anything because you will always listen to him and not get upset with him. Make sure that during the conversation your mood reflects calmness, as children perceive their parents’ emotional state and often act similarly. Remember that your mood during this talk will likely determine your son’s level of nervousness.

Establish strong lines of communication with your son. This will prevent future problems between the two of you. If he feels that he can talk to you without your overacting or that you will ask him too many questions, he will more likely be receptive to what you have to say. Thus, if your son tells you that he did something wrong, don’t get extremely upset. While you can certainly voice disapproval, you should first compliment him for having come to you. Then you should explain to him that his actions might not have been the most productive way to have handled things. Also, brainstorm with him about different ways to properly handle a similar situation in the future. This will make him comfortable enough to confide in you about other issues in the future.

Another great strategy to use is “cozy time.” This entails spending some quality time with your son before he goes to bed. Most kids want to steal some extra minutes before going to sleep, making this a good time to get them to talk to their mothers about their day or whatever else is on their minds. Kids love to lie down with their parents and talk to them when they should really be sleeping, and parents love to lie down with delicious-smelling, calm kids. This is generally a great way to keep those lines of communication open. And for the most part, kids will get ready for bed quicker if they know that they will have this special time with their parent(s).

Improve your son’s self-confidence so that he is less likely to be vulnerable. Confident kids are usually not targeted, unlike those with self-esteem issues. While there are exceptions to this general rule, imbuing one’s child with positive self-worth is priceless. Parents should praise their children often, and highlight their strengths – which will help them overcome their weaknesses.

Do not use praise sparingly. Be generous with it while being stingy with your criticisms. Kids do not get spoiled due to praise. But don’t forget that there needs to be appropriate consequences if they do something they should not. But even when imposing consequences you must still be positive and loving.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Combating Inappropriate Touching”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Ferguson, Missouri: rioting against racism, encouraging murder
The Foul Stench of the Ferguson Fallout
Latest Sections Stories
Rabbi Maurice Lamm

Creativity without clarity is not sufficient for writing. I am eternally thankful to Hashem for his gift to me.

Schonfeld-logo1

This core idea of memory is very difficult to fully comprehend; however, it is essential.

Sometimes the most powerful countermove one can make when a person is screaming is to calmly say that her behavior is not helpful and then continue interacting with the rest of the family while ignoring the enraged person.

“Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples shall divide within you.”

Divorce from a vindictive, cruel spouse can be a lifelong nightmare when there are offspring.

There were many French Jews who jumped at the chance to shed their ancient identity and assimilate.

As Rabbi Shemtov stood on the stage and looked out at the attendees, he told them that “Rather than take photos with your cellphones, take a mental photo and keep this Shabbat in your mind and take it with you throughout your life.”

Yeshiva v’Kollel Bais Moshe Chaim will be holding a grand celebration on the occasion of the institution’s 40th anniversary on Sunday evening, December 7. Alumni, students, friends and faculty of the yeshiva, also known as Talmudic University of Florida, will celebrate the achievement and vision of its founders and the spiritual guidance of its educational […]

The yeshiva night accommodates all levels of Jewish education.

Recently, Fort Lauderdale has been the focus of international news, and it has not been about the wonderful weather.

Rabbi Sacks held the position of chief rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth for 22 years until September 2013.

The event included a dvar Torah by student Pesach Bixon, an overview of courses, information about student life and a student panel that answered frequently asked questions from a student perspective.

It is difficult to write about such a holy person, for I fear I will not accurately portray his greatness…

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-112114

Sometimes the most powerful countermove one can make when a person is screaming is to calmly say that her behavior is not helpful and then continue interacting with the rest of the family while ignoring the enraged person.

Respler-111414

There are many people today with very little training who put out shingles and proclaim themselves to be marital coaches, shalom bayis helpers, advisers etc.

When one marries someone with children, all family members must accept them.

My mother-in-law is totally devoted to her daughters and their children. Her sons’ children on the other hand are treated like second-class citizens.

How can I help my wife learn to say “no,” and understand that her first priority must be her husband and family?

It is important for a therapist to focus on a person’s strengths as a way of overcoming his or her difficulties.

I went to camp for many years. We cleaned our own bunks and did not have air conditioning.

“I would really love my mother-in-law …if she weren’t my mother-in-law.”

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/combating-inappropriate-touching/2013/08/30/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: