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January 25, 2015 / 5 Shevat, 5775
 
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Part 14 – How Control Begins and Breeds Resentment


Schonbuch-Rabbi-Daniel

Once she finally forced herself to get the words out, about exactly what had happened, and how awful she had felt about it afterward, her sister asked (just as any concerned sister would), “Is he always this controlling?”

At first, she felt dumbstruck. This was something she had never really thought about, at least not in those precise terms. She knew Meir was a bit of a “stickler” about certain things, but she figured that we all have our little foibles, and up until now, she had never really envisioned that this side of his personality could actually be emotionally destructive in any way.

But now she felt compelled to re-examine everything that had gone on during their relationship in a new light. And when she did start to think more deeply about his behavior, it slowly started to dawn on her that all of the little bossy, nit-picky things that he did, and all of the odd little “rules and regulations” that he had always insisted upon, might actually add up to an excessively controlling personality.

Next Week, Part 15, Understanding the sign of a controlling personality

Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, is the Executive Director of Shalom Task Force. For more information about Shalom Task Force, please visit www.shalomtaskforce.org. You can e-mail questions to him at rabbischonbuch@yahoo.com.

About the Author: Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, LMFT is an expert in marriage counseling, pre-marital education, treating anxiety and depression, and helping teens in crisis with offices For more information visit www.JewishMarriageSupport.com, e-mail rabbischonbuch@yahoo.com or call 646-428-4723.


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More Articles from Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch

Parental conflict affects children in varying ways, depending on their age. For example, teenagers around the age of fifteen or sixteen are most likely to involve themselves in their parents’ battles. Younger children may keep their feelings hidden inside and may only show signs of depression in late childhood or early adolescence.

Control may be the most destructive force influencing a marriage. Let me illustrate this point with the following story. About two years ago a woman named Bracha, 47, came to speak to me about her husband’s controlling behavior. This is how she described her precarious situation:

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/part-14-how-control-begins-and-breeds-resentment/2009/05/08/

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