web analytics
October 30, 2014 / 6 Heshvan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



Cooling The Flame Of Teenage Anger


Schonfeld-logo1

“Oh. I was just thinking about you. How was your day?” Ruti’s mother asked her the minute she walked through the door.

“Fine, Mommy.”

“Did you come straight home after school? I started getting a little nervous.”

“The bus was running a bit late. That’s it,” Ruti said, trying not to sound frustrated at her mother’s concern. After all, she was already sixteen. Why couldn’t her mother just leave her alone?

“Okay. Do you want something to eat? Something to drink?”

“Mom. I can do it myself,” Ruti said through clenched teeth.

“I just thought I’d ask. Anyway, why are you getting so touchy?” Ruti’s mother sighed. Lately, it seemed that with Ruti, she couldn’t say or do anything right.

“I’m not touchy. I’m just tired. I’m going to do my homework in my room. See you later,” Ruti said as she stormed off.

Recently, Ruti had indeed been angry. She would walk through the door and immediately feel her anger boiling inside her body. All her mother had to do was look at her the wrong way and Ruti would feel her temperature rise. The truth was, she wasn’t even sure what she was angry about and she certainly couldn’t talk to her mother about it. Talking to her mother would only make her angrier.

The worst part of it was that her rage sometimes carried over to her best friends too. She would be talking with Tova or Naomi and they would innocently critique her English paper or notice that she had a bit of lint on her skirt. Out of nowhere, Ruti would feel herself growing annoyed without even understanding why she was upset. And, then, she wouldn’t have any idea how to calm down. The only way she could escape yelling at her friends was to do exactly what she had done with her mother, to run away.

****

Dr. Les Parrott, in his book Helping the Struggling Adolescent, explains that anger is an important part of adolescence. In fact, anger is a part of the process of individuation that occurs in adolescence, when teenagers continue to separate from their parents and establish their own individual personas. So, if you are worrying that you are like Ruti, always frustrated and angry with your parents (and even your siblings or friends), then you should know that it is a completely normal part of growing up.

Anger becomes a problem if you do not know how to handle it. To that end, I have put together a “cheat sheet” in order to help you manage your anger before it gets the best of you:

Maintaining perspective: With so many new experiences coming your way while you are in high school, it can be hard to separate the genuine concerns from the slight annoyances. Things like physical harm or verbal bullying are undisputed concerns, whereas someone occasionally prying into your life or unintentional stifling are smaller issues.

One way you can help control your anger is through recognizing the genuine reasons to get upset and ignoring the inconsequential things. Once you are able to distinguish the “big” from the “small” stuff, it is a lot easier to maintain perspective and cool down.

Redirecting anger: Sometimes you might get angry at a parent or sibling because of another issue that occurred earlier in the day with someone else. Taking a step back and asking yourself, “Why am I really angry?” can help you redirect your feelings at the appropriate source.

Avoid triggers: There are probably situations that automatically make you angry (such as your parents not giving you enough space, even though you are always following their rules). Being aware of these triggers can help you take control of the situation. Before walking through the door, remind yourself that your parents – because they love you – will probably ask you a multitude of questions. Rehearse the answers you will give in order to satisfy both yourself and your parents. This way, you will be prepared for a potentially frustrating encounter.

Time management: When you are stressed, you are more likely to express anger in a destructive manner. Likewise, if you are sleep-deprived, you are more likely to snap at those around you (even without real provocation). A great way to avoid these feelings is to manage your time effectively. Don’t leave big assignments and studying to the night before. Try to get 7-8 hours of sleep every night. That way, you will be better equipped to handle anger when confronted with it.

Talk it out: One of the best ways to control your anger is through calmly talking to others. When not in the heat of the moment, it might help to talk to your friends about what is making you upset. You can also think about whether anything would change if you spoke to your parents about the way you feel. If you think they would be receptive, ask your parents when a good time to sit down and talk would be. Setting aside time for your relationship will strengthen your ties with your parents and ultimately smooth out any the kinks.

About the Author: An acclaimed educator and education consultant, Mrs. Rifka Schonfeld has served the Jewish community for close to thirty years. She founded and directs the widely acclaimed educational program, SOS, servicing all grade levels in secular as well as Hebrew studies. A kriah and reading specialist, she has given dynamic workshops and has set up reading labs in many schools. In addition, she offers evaluations G.E.D. preparation,, social skills training and shidduch coaching, focusing on building self-esteem and self-awareness. She can be reached at 718-382-5437 or at rifkaschonfeld@verizon.net. Visit her on the web at rifkaschonfeldsos.com.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Cooling The Flame Of Teenage Anger”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Abbas and the Temple Mount: "It's mine, all mine. No Jews allowed.
Abbas Declares Closure of Al Aqsa Mosque a ‘Declaration of War’
Latest Sections Stories
Part of the reconstructed Gwozdziec Synagogue.

The Polin Museum of the History of Polish Jews is designed to tell the whole thousand-year story of the Jews in Poland.

Nimchinsky-102414-Flag

This past summer was a powerful one for the Jewish people. I will always remember where I was on June 12th when I found out that Gilad, Eyal and Naftali were kidnapped. I will always remember the look on my sister’s face on June 30th when she told me that they were found. I will […]

Schonfeld-logo1

Avromi often put other people’s interests before his own: he would not defend people whom he believed were guilty (even if they were willing to pay him a lot of money).

The Presbyterian Church USA voted to divest from three companies that do business with Israel.

How can I help my wife learn to say “no,” and understand that her first priority must be her husband and family?

My eyes skimmed an article on page 1A. I was flabbergasted. I read the title again. Could it be? It had good news for the Miami Jewish community.

Students in early childhood, elementary, and middle school were treated to an array of hands-on projects to create sukkah decorations such as wind chimes, velvet posters, sand art, paper chains, and more.

It is important for a therapist to focus on a person’s strengths as a way of overcoming his or her difficulties.

Sadly, there are mothers who, due to severe depression are unable or unwilling to prepare nourishing food for their children.

More Articles from Rifka Schonfeld
Schonfeld-logo1

Avromi often put other people’s interests before his own: he would not defend people whom he believed were guilty (even if they were willing to pay him a lot of money).

Schonfeld-logo1

Social disabilities occur at many levels, but experts identify three different areas of learning and behavior that are most common for children who struggle to create lasting social connections.

Brown argues that this wholehearted living must extend into our parenting.

This is an important one in raising a mentsch (and maybe even in marrying off a mentsch! listening skills are on the top of the list when I do shidduch coaching).

Children with dyslexia or dysgraphia frequently have problems in social relationships.

Some educators today believe that Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder falls into an executive function category.

Because the children suffering from this disorder generally have wonderful verbal skills, the disability can go unrecognized for many years.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/cooling-the-flame-of-teenage-anger/2012/02/07/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: