web analytics
November 24, 2014 / 2 Kislev, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
IDC Herzliya Campus A Day on Campus

To mark IDC Herzliya’s 20th anniversary, we spent a day following Prof. Uriel Reichman, IDC’s founder and president, and Jonathan Davis, VP for External Relations, around its delightful campus.



Leftovers Exchange Program


Schmutter-logo

The apple actually doesn’t fall far, though.  When your parents were your age, they were exactly like you.

What happened, right?

They had you.

But yes, if your parents are actually doing something embarrassing, like driving cabs while cutting your hair, we’re all embarrassed with you.  My advice is to leave home, and to come to our home, and help us eat our leftovers.

 

 

Dear Mordechai,

When are toddler leashes okay?

SK, Brooklyn Dear S.,

Toddler leashes are never really okay.  Leashes are for dogs, because you can’t exactly walk around holding their front paw when you cross the street.  And even then they’re not great, because sometimes, with a really big dog, you end up with the dog bounding down the street while the owner bounces along behind.

Nevertheless, it’s okay in the following situations:

1. When you have at least triplets, and you need to get out to the store or to my house to eat leftovers.  In that case, you have to pick whichever child you love the least and put him on the leash, or else you can put all three on leashes like a professional dog walker and you’ll have the other hand free to shield yourself as you bounce along the sidewalk.

2. When you’re trying to walk with a toddler who’s eating a lollypop, and he’s somehow managed to get both arms sticky up to his elbows.

3. If you’d like to go out of your way to embarrass your teenager.

 

That’s it for now.  I’ll be back next month, and hopefully by then I’ll be done trying to foist leftovers on anyone who writes in.  So don’t be afraid to send in any kind of questions you have on pretty much anything, so long as you don’t expect a real answer, except maybe by accident.

Question everything!

Mordechai Mordechai Schmutter humorous-advice columnist will appear in these pages the second issue of every month.  Mordechai also writes a weekly syndicated humor column for Hamodia, and is the author of three books, all published by Israel Book Shop.  He also does freelance writing for hire.  You can send any questions, comments, or ideas to MSchmutter@gmail.com or post them on his Facebook page.

 

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Leftovers Exchange Program”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Is that a chicken or Tzipi Livni ready to be sacrificed?
Coalition Plays ‘Chicken’ and Runs Away from New Elections
Latest Sections Stories
Respler-112114

Sometimes the most powerful countermove one can make when a person is screaming is to calmly say that her behavior is not helpful and then continue interacting with the rest of the family while ignoring the enraged person.

LBJ-112114

“Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples shall divide within you.”

Kupfer-112114

Divorce from a vindictive, cruel spouse can be a lifelong nightmare when there are offspring.

There were many French Jews who jumped at the chance to shed their ancient identity and assimilate.

As Rabbi Shemtov stood on the stage and looked out at the attendees, he told them that “Rather than take photos with your cellphones, take a mental photo and keep this Shabbat in your mind and take it with you throughout your life.”

Yeshiva v’Kollel Bais Moshe Chaim will be holding a grand celebration on the occasion of the institution’s 40th anniversary on Sunday evening, December 7. Alumni, students, friends and faculty of the yeshiva, also known as Talmudic University of Florida, will celebrate the achievement and vision of its founders and the spiritual guidance of its educational […]

The yeshiva night accommodates all levels of Jewish education.

Recently, Fort Lauderdale has been the focus of international news, and it has not been about the wonderful weather.

Rabbi Sacks held the position of chief rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth for 22 years until September 2013.

The event included a dvar Torah by student Pesach Bixon, an overview of courses, information about student life and a student panel that answered frequently asked questions from a student perspective.

It is difficult to write about such a holy person, for I fear I will not accurately portray his greatness…

“Grandpa,” I wondered, as the swing began to slow down, “why are there numbers on your arm?”

So the real question is, “How can we, as hosts, make sure our guest beds are comfortable?” Because your guests will never say anything.

It was a land of opportunity, a place where someone who wasn’t afraid of a little hard work, or the challenges of adapting to a different climate and culture, could prosper.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-111414-Bed

So the real question is, “How can we, as hosts, make sure our guest beds are comfortable?” Because your guests will never say anything.

Schmutter-101014-Decorations

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40.

Alternatively, you can try your absolute hardest to listen whenever she says anything.

Father’s Day comes every year. How many drills can you get him?

This week, I’m asking the questions for a change.

Pesach is so liberating (if you excuse the expression). It’s the only time I can eat anywhere in the house, guilt free! Matzah in bed!

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/leftovers-exchange-program/2011/11/12/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: