web analytics
April 19, 2015 / 30 Nisan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Never Mind Why

Schmutter-061413

Social Caterpillar

Dear Whatsisname,

Don’t worry, I don’t think less of you for it. This happens to me all the time. I’m a Language Arts teacher in my local mesivta, and as such, there are increasingly more people all the time who know me, but I have no clue who they are. I can’t remember hot and cold since the last time I took a shower, I’m going to remember a kid I had 7 years ago who looks nothing like he did then? I look pretty much the same, besides for gaining some extra weight. I’ve kept my part of the bargain. Whereas they are now sprouting all kinds of hair and pimples and various stages of lankiness, such as the one where your head is bigger than your body, and the one where your hands are bigger than your head.

But I run into them at the supermarket, and they’re all, “Hey, Mr. Schmutter!” That’s how I know they used to be my students. No one else calls me “Mr. Schmutter.” If someone knows me from my articles, they usually abortively try calling me “rabbi” first.

Now most of the time when this happens with other people who probably weren’t my students, I try to talk to them long enough so that while we’re talking, I can piece together the clues and try to remember their names. (“Let’s see, he asked about my car, and he mentioned Queens. Then there’s his age, and his hair color…”)

But with students, most of those clues sound pretty much the same. (“Let’s see, he was in my class, and he went to that school. And his age is the same as everyone else’s.”) That narrows it down.

So these days, when they say, “Mr. Schmutter!” I say, “Hey, it’s you!” And they’re like “Yeah, it is! How did you recognize me?” And then I take the clues that I know, and I fake it:

“Still in that yeshiva? I figured. Still hate going to class? Heh. Are you still in contact with everyone else? Wow. Did you ever finish that assignment?”

There’s always one assignment he didn’t finish.

Of course, experts say that in this situation, you should go, “Where are my manners? I haven’t introduced you to this guy,” and then you pull in a friend you’ve brought along for just such purposes. But I can’t bring someone I know every time I go to the supermarket.

Maybe I should pull random people out of the aisle and go, “Have you met this guy?” Sure, I don’t know that guy either, but I’ll hear his name when he tells my student. Then I’ll walk away and hope I get far enough before they get to the part of their conversation where they’re wondering why I said they should meet each other.

Have a question for “You’re Asking Me?” I’ll make up a fake name for you. I might as well. I can’t remember your real one.

Never mind why.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Never Mind Why”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu reviews details of a "bad deal" with Iran.
Netanyahu Warns of Increased Iran Aggression in Middle East
Latest Sections Stories
Lewis-041715-Jewish-Soldiers

During the Second World War, a million and a half Jewish soldiers fought in the Allied armies, the Partisan units in Eastern Europe, and the anti-fascist underground movements in Western Europe and North Africa. These Jewish fighters won over 200,000 medals and citations. The Museum of the Jewish Soldier in World War II in Latrun, […]

Jerusalem Heights Penthouse

The 2-day real estate event will take place in Brooklyn on April 26 and 27.

Schonfeld-logo1

She wasn’t paying attention to what the child did when the mother was not in the room. Rather, her main focus was on what the child did when the mother returned.

The Mets at least have hope for the future with some good young pitchers.

French thinkers of the Enlightenment were generally not pro-Semitic, to say the least.

My Jewish star was battered, indeed it was a wreck
But I picked it up anyway and put it around my neck
To know that hatred mangled it was surely very painful
But just the same to me it is still very beautiful.

A compulsion is a repetitive action. But what underlies the compulsion is an obsession or fear.

When any student in the building is in danger of failing, the equivalent of tornado warning sirens should wail around the school.

It goes without saying that when it comes to your kids, safety is always your number one priority.

After the last of Austria’s Jews were murdered, Albert confiscated whatever Jewish property remained.

How can you expect people who go through such gehenom to even know how to give warmth and love?

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-031315

So generally, I dance for a few minutes and then stand off to the side with all the other people who don’t dance and feel like they have to make conversation, even though that’s when the music is the loudest.

Schmutter-021315

Imagine you were a doctor, and then, one day a year, everyone tried his or her hand at surgery.

Dear Mordechai,
How do I prevent my Smartphone from breaking the first time I drop it?
Shattered in Pieces

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

So the real question is, “How can we, as hosts, make sure our guest beds are comfortable?” Because your guests will never say anything.

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/never-mind-why/2013/06/14/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: