Dear Mrs. Bluth,
I have been an avid reader of The Jewish Press since my young adulthood, particularly the self-help columns, but find your approach and personalized way of emoting sound, logical help most appealing. I distinctly recall that your column was the first to showcase the plight of agunot. I also remember your “no nonsense” replies to those who pooh-poohed and ignored the suffering of those women chained in dead marriages. And how you dealt with the silent minority in the divorce/get tragedy, the children who suffered in silence without a platform or champion to give them a voice.
I recall reading the very first letter from a young person, aged 12, who was so destroyed by the bitter divorce his parents were going through. He and his siblings had become little more than bargaining chips and objects to haggle over, like the spoils of war, in the division of property. I recall it vividly because I was that young child and I wrote that letter. I never got to thank you for your kind words, even though I read them in the paper. It was as if you were right there talking to me and, along with the good advice, the comfort they gave me carried me through the darkest time of my life.
Just to enlighten adults who entertain divorce as a solution for what they see as a “bad mistake,” I ask you to take a step back, especially if you have children. I can only speak from my own experience and tell you that the horrors my siblings and I endured has followed us into our adult lives and the dysfunction carried over into our marriages and divorces.
The guilt I felt as a child of 12 was incredible. I actually convinced myself that I caused my parents to hate each other and, ultimately after a long and bitter span of years in divorce court, to end the life of our family. The guilt has still not been expunged, even after years of therapy, and it has destroyed my ability to trust or love. Abandonment issues and the inability to give – I have two ex-spouses – have left me alone and depressed.
Thank you and The Jewish Press for the compassion and the understanding you impart to the many lost and broken souls who write in and use your forum to seek advice not readily accessible to them. It was a lifeline to me those many years ago and it continues to be to this day.
My sincerest sympathies for all your suffering. Although I reached out to you as a young child, it saddens me to see that it was not nearly enough to get you past the damage you suffered from your parents’ horrendous and decimating divorce. However, if I may, I would strongly suggest that you change the therapist you are seeing, if indeed you are still seeing this person, because it appears that he or she has failed to help you. No one should have to suffer the pain of childhood trauma or abuse for so long a time without seeing any improvement in their quality of life. Please get in touch with me via The Jewish Press and I will refer you to some amazing people who are devoted to successfully returning the simchas hachayim to those who have lost it.
Thank you for your kind words in regards to the wonderful and compassionate folk who contribute to the well-being of the klal via advice columns and words of chizuk in The Jewish Press. It lets us know that this publication has and continues to have a positive and uplifting affect that brings about awareness and change, help and support to any and all who need it. May your return to good health and happiness be swift and timely. Please reach out for the resources that are available to that end.