Dear Mrs. Bluth,
For the past two years I have been grappling with something that has overtaken my life. I am filled with guilt and embarrassment, and am too ashamed to ask for help, even though I know I need to. I’m writing to you because a friend of mine mentioned your name and I hope that you can tell me what to do.
Whenever I go into a store, I am overcome with the need to slip something into my pocket or bag. I know this is gnaivah,stealing, but I can’t help myself. It’s not that I am poor, I can well afford to pay for what I take – I have a well-paying job and don’t have a husband or children to support. Most of the time, I don’t need or even use the articles I take. What I do get is an overwhelming adrenaline rush as I zero in on an item that I stealthily slip into my purse – and that rush lasts until I make it safely out of the store. That’s when the guilt sets in. I have conversations in my head where I chastise myself for doing such a stupid and senseless thing, risking being caught and sent to jail, but somehow the “weaker me” says it is the last time and I’ll never do it again. That is, until the next time it happens and the cycle starts all over again.
The next time could be almost immediately. I never seem to consider what might happen if I should get caught, even when I see the surveillance cameras and warning signs posted throughout the mall. On a few occasions, when the guilt won out, I returned some of the things I’d taken to the stores, but that has done little to appease the desire to stop this behavior. I know I’ve been lucky not to have been caught. I also know that I need to deal with it; I’m terrified that one day my name will appear in the local newspapers alongside a picture of me in handcuffs.
I’m so tormented by this, Mrs. Bluth, I just don’t know what to do. I live at home with my parents, in a very tightly-knit community and, should all this come out, it would kill my ailing father and I would have no chance of a good shidduch.
Is there any hope for me or am I hopeless?
Dear Friend,
Coming face to face with a problem and acknowledging it is the first step towards a healing solution. What you seem to be suffering from is called Kleptomania and as you learn to understand its characteristics more clearly, you will better be able to make the right choices, which, with Hashem’s help, will ultimately lead to better mental health and peace of mind.
Kleptomania is an obsessive disorder which causes an individual to yield to strong impulses to steal objects that have no use or value to him or her. There is an increased surge of tension before committing the act, with a heightened sense of power and thrill during the theft, but after, there is remorse and regret. What causes Kleptomania is still up for debate, but there is some evidence linking it to the brain’s production of the chemical Serotonin, and can also evolve from severe stresses brought about by traumas. Interestingly, it is more common in women than men. There are many new and promising avenues of treatment and medications, coupled with therapeutic behavior modification ministered by a psychotherapist, that have shown to be remarkably successful. I urge you to make an appointment to see a therapist as soon as possible.
You are not hopeless and there is always hope, but you must take the first steps. I don’t have to tell you that what you’ve been doing is an aveira – you already know this. What I can tell you is that you can be helped, that you most definitely should go for therapy and that you will most certainly see a marked improvement with time. However, left unattended, Kleptomania often leads to depression and legal problems.
Should you need any further resources in this regard, please let me know. I care.