web analytics
September 30, 2014 / 6 Tishri, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



Words Whispered on a Dark Russian Night

From the moment that our eyes met and locked on Friday, at the first lecture that I gave at the retreat organized by the EJSN (European Jewish Study Network) in Davos, Switzerland, I sensed that we would be speaking more throughout the weekend.

 

            Evelyn’s eyes were intelligent, deep. They were eyes that had seen and experienced many of life’s journeys. If eyes are the mirrors to the soul, Evelyn’s soul was yearning, searching.

 

As if on cue, immediately after my lecture Evelyn approached me. She confided that she was becoming more religious, but it was difficult. “I am all on my own,” she said in a subdued voice. “Sometimes everyone in my family just doesn’t understand. It isn’t easy.”

 

There are things that need time to emerge. It was clear that Evelyn had begun to open up, but she wasn’t ready to share more. Not just yet.

 

“When I was a young child,” Evelyn began over Sunday lunch, “for a long time I lived with my grandparents in the former Soviet Union. They had a one-bedroom apartment and every evening they would pull out their extra bed and set it up for me in the salon.

 

“My grandfather was religious–as religious as one could be in communist Russia.” Evelyn sighs.

 

“I have one very clear memory of my childhood experience. My grandfather owned a coveted transistor radio, which of course in communist Russia was illegal. In the dark of the night, he would surreptitiously take it out. He would put his ear to it and listen to the Israeli station. His eyes would sparkle just from hearing Hebrew words, from hearing words spoken by Jewish people living far away, in our promised homeland.

 

           “This nightly routine was his lifeblood; it fueled his spiritual longing and encouraged him to continue on.

 

“Every night at exactly 12:00, his eyes would light up and he would become very excited. He would wake me, saying, ‘Shtei uf, Chavale!’ Wake up, Chavale! He always called me that, Chavale, my Jewish name, whenever we were alone, and strangers weren’t within earshot. He’d repeat, louder, ‘Shtei uf, Chavale, Shtei uf! Hatikvah!’ Wake up, Chavale, wake up! We’re about to listen to broadcasts from our brothers and sisters in our homeland!’

 

“Those words became my grandfather’s mantra. He said this to me decades ago, when I was but a little girl. But the words, expressed with such tender love, became seared into my very soul, ‘Shtei uf, Chavale!’”

 

Evelyn takes a break from her story and the waiters come by to serve the next course. She takes these moments to collect her thoughts and calm her emotions.

 

“Years later, I was reunited with my parents, in Europe. My parents, though, were very different from my grandparents. They were completely secular, oblivious to anything smacking of Judaism. In their home, there was no love or sentimental warmth towards religion. Other than memories from my grandparents’ home, I grew up completely unaware of Jewish traditions.”

 

Evelyn sips her water and takes a deep breath.

 

“And then, as they tend to do, the years went by quickly. I married a wonderful man and before I knew it, I had a daughter who was turning bat-mitzvah.

 

            “Something inside of me awakened. It whispered to me relentlessly. I wanted to celebrate this momentous occasion in my daughter’s life. And I wanted to do it completely properly.

 

“By a set of events of Divine providence, I was put into contact with a Kabbalistic sage who was visiting from Israel. I asked him for his suggestions. Before responding, he asked to see my ketubah (marriage contract).

 

“The rabbi took one look at my ketubah, pointed to where it says my name, daughter of my father, and declared, ‘This man is not your father.’

 

“I was in a state of utter shock and emotional disarray. I left his study, returned home and discussed the whole matter with my husband.

 

“After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, my husband informed me that he had found out this information a few years ago, but had seen no point in causing me distress. But it was true–the man to whom my mother was married was not my birth father. She had divorced my birth father in Russia, left the country and remarried. It finally dawned on me why I had stayed for those childhood years under the care of my grandparents, far away from my own parents.

 

“I returned to the rabbi. He arranged for a scribe to rewrite my ketubah and presented it to me before witnesses. He then gave me further instructions on how to celebrate my daughter’s bat mitzvah.

 

“It was a beautiful event. But more than that, her becoming of age where she was now obligated in mitzvot opened up something deep within me. A new doorway of spiritual yearning and exploration had been awakened. I don’t know how to explain it other than that my soul was aflame. It was pulling me. Yearning. Parched and craving spiritual irrigation.

 

“I began learning more. I became more and more connected with Torah, with Chabad, with mitzvot.  At the same time,” Evelyn takes a meaningful pause here, “a chasm developed between my husband and I. Don’t get me wrong, Chana, he is a very nice man, and we’re still very good friends. But eventually we grew so apart that we divorced. We each needed the space to go our own way.

 

“A few years ago, I again spoke with the Kabbalist rabbi. I said to him, ‘Tell me, when you fixed my ketubah, did you change something in my marriage? It seems from that point on, it deteriorated.’ He answered me, ‘I did not make any changes in your marriage. The change was in you. Your name now reflected who you really are and gave you the freedom to connect to your essence.”

 

Chava/Evelyn paused once again, for a few minutes. We were both deep in thought, digesting the import of her words.

 

“So, Chana, here I find myself now. At this beautiful weekend retreat, learning and growing. I’m committed to listening to my real inner self, to finding my soul. My children are now grown with children of their own. I am committed, too, to ensure that they too receive a Jewish education. I need to provide them with the education that I never had.

 

“And you know, my mother, too, is changing. She is older now, and lives in an apartment above mine. Slowly, slowly, I am introducing her, too, to the Jewish life of her parents. It is a slow, painstaking journey. But every Friday evening, she now comes down to my home and we light Shabbat candles together.

 

“Chana, I can’t say that my journey is without bumps, or that it is easy. But I can say that I feel connected to a part of me that was dormant. I have awakened to be what I always wanted.”

 

Chava continues, but her words are now said in almost a hushed whisper, with great emotion.

 

“Chana, I want to tell you that I believe that the words of my grandfather-those special words that I heard nightly as a young child, in the dark of his Russian apartment-those words have been the driving force throughout my life. He left me with an eternal message, a motto to get through life. I can still hear him saying it to me, in his tender, inspiring voice. ‘Chavale, wake up! Stop sleeping through life. For a Jew, there is always eternal hope and faith, but you must wake yourself up.’

 

Chava is smiling now, those deep eyes are glistening. “And so, today, I try to live by his legacy-Shtei uf Chavale, shtei uf!”

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Words Whispered on a Dark Russian Night”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Jews Against Genocide mimicked and blasphemed the ALS Ice Bucket  Challenge with their anti-Israel "Blood Bucket Challenge."
‘Jews Against Genocide’ Take ‘Blood Bucket Challenge’ at Yad Vashem [video]
Latest Sections Stories
Mindy-092614-Choc-Roll

I should be pursuing plateaus of pure and holy, but I’m busy delving and developing palatable palates instead.

Schonfeld-logo1

Brown argues that this wholehearted living must extend into our parenting.

Twenties-092614-Abrams

If we truly honor the other participants in a conversation, we can support, empathize with, and even celebrate their feelings.

Twenties-092614-OU-Mission

I witnessed the true strength of Am Yisrael during those few days.

She writes intuitively, freely, and only afterwards understands the meaning of what she has written.

“I knew it was a great idea, a win-win situation for everyone,” said Burstein.

Not knowing any better, I assumed that Molly and her mother must be voracious readers.

“I would really love my mother-in-law …if she weren’t my mother-in-law.”

For each weekly reading, Rabbi Grysman begins with a synopsis of the Torah portion, followed by a focus on a major issue.

It’s Rosh Hashanah. A new year. Time for a fresh start. Time for a new slate. Time for change.

Governor Rick Scott visited North Miami Beach/Aventura on the morning of Wednesday, September 17.

While the cost per student is higher than mainstream schools, Metzuyan Academy ESE is a priceless educational opportunity for children with special needs in South Florida.

Challah-pa-looza helped get the community ready and excited about the upcoming Jewish New Year.

Miami businessman and philanthropist Eli Nash had many in tears as he shared his story of the horrific abuse he suffered from age 8 to 11.

More Articles from Chana Weisberg

We’re on one of those really long family road trips. The kind that parenting experts advise will imprint fond memories on your children’s psyche. (How’s that for guilt?) And the kind on which you never leave home without a bottle of Tylenol and your favorite cup of strongly caffeinated, black coffee.

We’re on one of those really long family road trips. The kind that parenting experts advise will imprint fond memories on your children’s psyche. (How’s that for guilt?) And the kind on which you never leave home without a bottle of Tylenol and your favorite cup of strongly caffeinated, black coffee.

Last week, I bought a new brand of detergent.

It promises to remove all stains, even those stubborn, impossible to remove ones–or your money back. Guaranteed.

Last week, I bought a new brand of detergent.

It promises to remove all stains, even those stubborn, impossible to remove ones–or your money back. Guaranteed.

From the great synagogue in Tel Aviv to his performances in the role of Jean Valjean in the hit Broadway show Les Miserables, Dudu Fisher is an international star singer and cantor.

From the great synagogue in Tel Aviv to his performances in the role of Jean Valjean in the hit Broadway show Les Miserables, Dudu Fisher is an international star singer and cantor.

He looks at me with such a wistful expression in his clear blue eyes. His young shoulders are sagging and he appears to be carrying the world’s burdens.

He looks at me with such a wistful expression in his clear blue eyes. His young shoulders are sagging and he appears to be carrying the world’s burdens.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/jewess-press/words-whispered-on-a-dark-russian-night-2/2010/03/11/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: