Chillul Tefila Bifarhesia, as well as halachicly challenged verbiage and dress, are external manifestations of a critical lack of personal yiras shomayim which has lethal consequences.
Dear Readers: The following letter is representative of the views expressed by many concerned parents and grandparents who called, e-mailed and wrote to me regarding the shidduch crisis as it pertains to Torahdik young men who earn as opposed to learn (full time) – an issue that was brought up in an earlier column.
To Parents Involved In Shidduchim
If you do not like the system, then do not perpetuate it!If you feel that your son should be preparing for parnasa before he is married, then make sure that you only send your son to a high school and post-high school yeshiva that will allow and encourage him to attend college or a vocational program. Do research - speak to the administration and speak to other parents. If you put your son on a certain path – that will hopefully be the path he follows. There are many “frum” options available for frum young men today (college at night, all male colleges, vocational schools, etc.). If you wait till he is “older” to put your foot down on this issue, it will be too late. He will already be in a certain system that will not honor your viewpoints.
If you do not want your daughter to marry someone who has no concrete plans for parnasa after marriage, then do not send your daughter to a high school and seminary that encourages girls to marry boys who have no plans. By the time they have gone through the system, they will not want to listen to what you have to say because“they know better.”
If our generation can start producing more bnei Torah who will take concrete financial responsibility for their future families, then our daughters will hopefully begin to realize that there is nothing wrong with – and everything right with – marrying such boys. Parents will no longer feel the pressure to have to “buy” full-time learning husbands for their daughters and accede to their every demand. As a matter of fact, maybe the tide will turn and it will be the parents of the girl who will insist that the parents of the “full-time learner” provide support because their son is not bringing in any income to the family unit while their daughter is working so that her husband can learn full time.
Do not be ashamed that your son will be able to provide for his family so that your daughter-in-law may have the option to stay home for some time and raise her babies. Do not be ashamed that your daughter will marry a boy who will provide for her and the family. This is the Torah way as is evident from the kesuva and from many statements in the Torah. Ask a knowledgeable rabbi and he will provide many sources for you.
To Administrators, Principals, Rebbeim And Moros
With all due respect, please stop driving a wedge between your students and their parents. Shalom bayis and kibud av v’eim are being compromised – sometimes in very major ways.
The ultimate personal and financial responsibility of a married couple will not fall on your shoulders, but rather on the parents on both sides. Unless you are willing to take full legal financial responsibility for your married students forever, it does not seem right for you to encourage your students to live a lifestyle that may prove to be very burdensome to them (and their parents and in-laws) in the future.
Ask a knowledgeable rabbi if there is something wrong with a husband/father working to support his family, while still being “kovei itim” – or a mother having the golden opportunity to raise her babies herself if it is financially feasible.
Speak to your friends who have been married for more than a few years to get a better sense of reality (both financially speaking and what life is really like when you have to juggle children, work and household responsibilities).
And most importantly, listen carefully to the thoughts and advice of your parents who not only speak from personal experience – but who know you and love you more than anyone else.
Do not be afraid of what others will say, as long as you know you are following a Torah way of life.
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Florida is famous for sparkling water. We have the beautiful Atlantic Ocean and Gulf of Mexico surrounding our coast. We have bays, lakes, canals and, of course, an incredible abundance of swimming pools in homes, resorts, apartment complexes and city parks.
The buzz is back as Camp Gan Israel Florida Overnight gears up for another fantastic summer, CGI Florida style. What makes CGI Florida so different from all the other overnight camps? It’s all in the details.
Leah Katz, a TeenZone camper at Oorah’s TheZone summer camp and an 11th grader at Midwood High School, read her winning essay about how TheZone changed her views on Judaism at the Jewish Heritage Awards Ceremony held at Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes’s office in April. The purpose of the Jewish Heritage Essay Contest is to acquaint public school students with Jewish history and customs and to help foster a deeper understanding of Jewish culture. The contest is open to students of all ethnic and religious backgrounds. Leah’s essay is reproduced in full below.
Moshe Sharett, the head of the Jewish Agency’s Political Department, visited Egypt in 1945. In Cairo he met a most remarkable young woman, a beautiful journalist who was the darling of Egyptian high society – from high-ranking military brass, to culture icons and Muslim sheikhs, to the court of King Faruk.
The two proceeded to talk about everyday things and surprisingly her mother-in-law did not find anything else to criticize. This occurred a few more times, with my client changing the topic every time by complimenting her mother-in-law or mentioning something positive about her.
There is always a lot of confusion surrounding sensory processing disorder – mainly because there are many different diagnoses that fall under the catch-all phrase sensory processing disorder (SPD). Among them are three specific subcategories:
The doctor had warned us that even if we did everything right and followed the protocol after the follicle was of the right size, there was no guarantee of success. Fertilization still had to occur, and just like couples do not necessarily become pregnant every month, we had no way to know if we were actually expecting for two full weeks.
The next chapter of the award-winning novel.
Jewish Press columnist Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis, founder and president of Hineni, the international Torah outreach organization, recently addressed an overflowing audience at the Beth Jacob Congregation of Irvine in southern California. Rebbetzin Jungreis’s address theme, “Making a Good Relationship Magical,” was apropos for the evening’s main mission: raising funds for the Irvine community’s mikveh.
You have probably been planning your marriage since you were about three. Let’s fast-forward to a big milestone– your twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. (Don’t worry, you don’t look a day over twenty one!) Now, would you appreciate your husband buying you a dozen roses that some florist recommended?
As I mentioned in my earlier articles about our family trip to Israel, our night flight went pretty smooth, thanks to my children’s willingness to sleep throughout the flight. I, on the other hand, didn’t sleep a wink and I wasn’t feeling too great by the time we landed. But we were finally in Israel, and just being in the beautifully renovated Ben Gurion airport and hearing all the Hebrew around us was exciting enough.
One of the subjects I was taught as a young child in school was Tefillah. Since we spoke only Ivrit during our Limudei Kodesh and secular Hebrew studies – literature, creative writing and Jewish history – we pretty much understood the words we were davening.
Shortly before Pesach, I received a rather agitated call from a long time reader of The Jewish Press who pleaded with me to write a column regarding what she insisted was the unwarranted high cost of Pesach food – in particular shmurah matzah – and how hard it was for young families to pay what she felt were over-inflated prices in order to keep strictly kosher.
The price of deliberate obliviousness is very high – emotionally, physically, socially, and financially.
How is it possible that a person of seemingly normal intelligence (nowhere does it say he is simple) not have the ability to ask a question – to not react and enquire as to the why of the hustle and bustle around him?
It was one of those cold, rain-soaked evenings – the kind that make you look forward to a hot drink, a good book and a soft couch to curl up on. With those happy thoughts in mind, I proceeded to cross to the other side of the street.
The other day I was shopping at a large supermarket and happened to go down the frozen foods aisle, past the endless freezers containing every imaginable flavor, shape and size of ice cream. I rarely buy. Rather I am like a tourist in a museum – gawking at wondrous objects that I know I can’t take home with me.
He stood his ground despite the intense pressure to do what everyone else was doing. His integrity was more important to him than “fitting in.”
Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/learning-the-hard-way-conclusion/2006/06/07/
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