web analytics
April 26, 2015 / 7 Iyar, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


‘Did You Add Salt to a Wound?’

Kupfer-092812

However, I believe that all too often “salt” is “rubbed in” because of brutal mean-spiritness or abject callousness, as when bullies gang up on a classmate who they perceive as being weaker physically or socially. Even teachers are guilty of bullying behavior, humiliating kids who have fallen behind, or who are socially awkward or not academically inclined. Clueless parents belittle their offspring who do not live up to their expectations, comparing a child with a prettier or more accomplished sibling. The child already is crushed by his/her awareness of not “measuring up.”

Pointing out the sibling’s, cousin’s, or classmate’s superior achievements enhances the pain and sense of worthlessness the child is submerged in already. Ditto for the husband or wife who finds fault with just about everything his/her spouse does or does not do.

And then there are those who are neither good intentioned nor evil. They are just so thoughtless and insensitive that they nebach must be chronically stupid. How often has someone come up to a childless couple, wanting to know when they are going to give their parents nachas, as in “My son got married a few months after you did and his wife is expecting their third child…”

Older singles constantly endure insensitive and demeaning remarks about their status. “Oy, my cousin was a beauty like you, and smart too; she had aleh mayles (had everything going for her) and she’s 55 and never married. Such a bitter mazal.”

Or the patient who is struggling to overcome a vicious illness who is told several times by different people how so and so had the same thing and was told she/he was cured, and then a year or two later, had a recurrence and subsequently died. How helpful is it for the sick person’s hope to be deflated?

It seems at times that people have a compulsive need to give the vulnerable a “shtoch” – a verbal jab that undermines a person’s equilibrium or peace of mind.

The trick to getting your foot in the door in terms of Gan Eden is to think before talking. People might be enduring major traumas or disappointments or heartache in their lives – and a careless word can add excruciating hurt to a very vulnerable wound.

If you feel the need to say something, try being positive or uplifting, Especially if the recipient is obviously are on what I call the “C list”- as opposed to the “beautiful, successful “A listers” who are on everyone’s invite and/or shidduch list.

Encourage play dates with your child’s not so popular classmate – being left out will only increase his/her loneliness; give a compliment to the single who is a not considered pretty or handsome – everyone has something about them that is special. – and most importantly, speak quietly and calmly to whoever you have dealings with – no matter how angry, exasperated or disgusted you are by someone’s behavior or actions. I have seen spouses yell, insult and denigrate each other in shul, even as guests at someone’s Shabbat table.

Yelling at another adult or screaming at a child and making them feel worthless is a huge chillul Hashem, because that individual is His creation and by lashing into them, you are saying G-d created a flawed entity – that The Master of the Universe made a mistake.

Make it a habit to be aware that on your personal Yom Ha’din, you may be asked if you “added salt to a wound.” Whether you meant well or indulged in a pathetic need to push someone down in order to feel better about yourself, the Heavenly Court will judge you by the amount of pain you inflicted on someone already saturated with it.

With this possibility as a guiding light, the tikkun you so fervently vowed to work on will likely come to fruition.

May all our prayers be accepted and may we experience a year of contentment and peace of mind.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “‘Did You Add Salt to a Wound?’”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
USAID recipient Tarek Abbas, son of Palestinian Authority chairman Mahmoud.
Abbas’ Son Loses $10 Million Libel Suit in US Court
Latest Sections Stories
Food-Talk---Eller-logo

“People who never buy cookbooks are getting this one,” said Victoria. “They read it cover to cover and find it so interesting.”

South-Florida-logo

We have recently witnessed how other minorities deal with even perceived danger aimed at their brothers and sisters. They respond in great numbers.

South-Florida-logo

The Hebrew Academy students took part in all categories and used successful and innovative techniques to achieve their goals.

“The objective behind establishing small communities as places for relocation was a remedy for the excessive cost of housing and education in the large New York metropolitan market,” Mr. Savitsky explained.

Jewish Democrats did not entirely trust the son of Joseph Kennedy, a man broadly considered to be both anti-Semitic and pro-Nazi.

The teenage years are not about surviving. They are about thriving.

Every moment was a gift. I held each one, savoring.

We arrived in Auschwitz on Thursday, January 30, 2014. My seminary was taking us to see where the prisoners were kept. When we got there, I stepped off the bus in complete and total silence. I was in the back, and when we got to the gate I hesitated and started shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t […]

From the moment Israel was declared a Jewish state, it has been the subject of controversy and struggle.

Now that Pesach is over, we return you to your regularly-scheduled pressing questions:   Dear Mordechai, Can I use a nose hair trimmer during Sefirah? Harry Lipman   Dear Harry, Yes, as long as your nose hairs are so bad that they’re affecting your job. Like if you have a desk job, and they interfere […]

It is very natural for kids to want attention and to be jealous of each other, especially when there is a new baby.

During the Second World War, a million and a half Jewish soldiers fought in the Allied armies, the Partisan units in Eastern Europe, and the anti-fascist underground movements in Western Europe and North Africa. These Jewish fighters won over 200,000 medals and citations. The Museum of the Jewish Soldier in World War II in Latrun, […]

The 2-day real estate event will take place in Brooklyn on April 26 and 27.

More Articles from Cheryl Kupfer
Kupfer-112114

Divorce from a vindictive, cruel spouse can be a lifelong nightmare when there are offspring.

Kupfer-092614-Books

Not knowing any better, I assumed that Molly and her mother must be voracious readers.

Unpleasant happenings are quickly discarded if they do not affect us directly.

I have always insisted that everything that happens to anyone or anything is min Shamayim.

It is so hurtful to heighten people’s sense of inadequacy and guilt in a matzav that is already horrendous and difficult to bear.

Make no mistake: in the wrong hands cars are weapons of mass destruction.

Where once divorce in heimische communities was relatively uncommon, nowadays every family has a son, daughter, sibling cousin who is divorced – sometimes twice or even three times!

Many go about the business of living frum, observant lives, but they are only going through the motions.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/on-our-own/did-you-add-salt-to-a-wound/2012/09/28/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: