web analytics
August 5, 2015 / 20 Av, 5775
At a Glance
Blogs
Sponsored Post


Fowl Peace Talks a Treif Thanksgiving Turkey

If all the world's experts on peace had raised turkeys on a kibbutz, there might be peace in the Middle East.
turkeys

In the Middle East, negotiating is an end unto itself. The objective is to negotiate forever.

Remember the sick birds? Not even the most God-fearing fundamentalist would have had a prayer for them, but the Arab neighbors near the kibbutz love sick turkeys because they can get them cheap. I loved to sell sick turkeys because a bird in the hand is worth more than two in the incinerator.

So, Mohammed and Youssef came by once every couple of weeks to buy sick turkeys, or what vaguely resembled turkey. But they had no idea they were dealing with a Yankee who learned International Relations 101 and was totally ignorant of Middle East culture.

“Look,” I told them honestly. “Six have broken legs, five suffer from bronchitis, three others have some stomach tumor and two more are in an advanced stage of Parkinson’s Disease.”

“How much?” asked Mohammed, after the usual two-hour ritual of sipping tea together and our lying to each other how much we are peace-loving friends.

“You can take them for 10 cents a pound,” I generously responded, not knowing the unwritten Middle East law that a seller must ask for three times the price he is willing to take. Mohammed offered eight cents. I replied, “No way. Ten cents is 10 cents. Take it or leave it.”

I was smart to know he would try to cut the price after seeing the merchandise, so I showed him ahead of time a couple of diseased turkeys that still were living. Figuring I was a dumb American who needed to learn the facts of Middle East life, Mohammed shook hands with me and we offered each other a false smile to disguise our mutual distrust.

I brought them all out, except for a couple that died on the way, and Mohammed declared, “I’ll give you eight cents a pound.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked. “We shook hands on 10 cents a pound. A deal is a deal.”

Mohammed, not having heard of International Relations 101, thought I was nuts: “What do you mean, ‘a deal’? Where do you come from?”

“I’m from the United States of America,” I responded.

Mohammed compassionately explained, “Look, when in the Middle East, do as the Semites do. You’re supposed to offer me nine cents a pound. Then, I come back with eight cents a pound. Then, we sit down for tea again and tell each other how we really are cousins. After that, we decide to continue bargaining tomorrow.”

I took the opportunity to educate Mohammed and Youssef about modern Western civilization. “We shook hands on 10 cents, and 10 cents is what it is going to be. Not a penny more and not a penny less. It’s time you guys started catching up with the 21st century.”

Youssef looked at Mohammed. Mohammed looked at Youssef. Both realized they were dealing with a turkey who can’t tell the difference between a dinar and a shekel. They returned home, bewildered by this disgusting Western attempt to enlighten 3,500 years of Middle East civilization.

Mohammed and Youssef’s families didn’t get meat for dinner, and I spent a fortune on kerosene to burn dead turkeys. Mohammed and his neighbors in the village stole some healthy turkeys from the kibbutz in the middle of the night. The next evening, I retaliated and severely damaged their TV antenna and injured several shirts hanging on a clothesline.

Three months later, Mohammed and Youssef were going nuts without TV and I was losing money because I had to pay for a security fence around the turkey barns.

The three of us met on the road one day. Each of us caught the other off guard, so we sat down and drank tea, convincing each other how there would be peace if it were only up to us.

We agreed to resume bargaining the next day over a new batch of sick turkeys. After two years, relations never have been better. We bargain every day. Mohammed and Youssef survive on their usual Middle East diet of pita and olives, without sick turkey meat, and I use the charcoal from the burnt birds to keep me a lot warmer than the beat-up space heater.

About the Author: Tzvi Ben Gedalyahu is a graduate in journalism and economics from The George Washington University. He has worked as a cub reporter in rural Virginia and as senior copy editor for major Canadian metropolitan dailies. Tzvi wrote for Arutz Sheva for several years before joining the Jewish Press.

The author's opinion does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Jewish Press.

If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

2 Responses to “Fowl Peace Talks a Treif Thanksgiving Turkey”

  1. When you look in the wrong places, you’ll always find the wrong things. So why should we expect anything else and who’s fault is it? The “business” of America is business, I was told in school.

  2. Bear Klein says:

    On matters of business my experience is you can do business with
    our Arab neighbors. On the matter of local rule there is no compromise because they want to rule the whole area and kick us out.

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Grafitti on the walls of the Church of the Multiplication at Tabgha, on the Sea of Galilee, in northern Israel, which was set on fire in June 2015.
6 Months’ Jail Without Trial for Jewish Teen Linked to Church Arson
Latest Blogs Stories
wedding

Judaism isn’t a part-time religion. Every aspect of life has a Jewish connection.

yeshivaresized flash 90.jpg

Surprisingly, many Hareidi communities do not advocate full time Kollel study for life as the ideal.

Baim-061915-Mazal-Tov

“You’ve been out on enough dates, are you going to marry him?” Many times I’ve choked at this point.

Shira Banki, 16, z'l

What is left to say when a 16 year-old is dead? How will her mother and family endure without her?

Compare the numbers. Disproportionately too many Arab attacks on Jews have been happening.

What is the impact of renouncing US citizenship if you live abroad? Can you visit the US again?

Gentile friends of Israel came from all over Norway & Europe and they sang “Hatikva” in Norwegian!

As the incitement begins again against the settlers, the religious and the Right, let’s review the list of children killed by terrorists.

Reports of a dead baby, a devastated family, and indications of a gloating attacker.

In all the years (and this week it’s exactly 14 years) since our daughter was murdered, we have not found a single Arabic-language post, article, tweet or speech condemning that attack in the center of Jerusalem or the killings.

Everyone is angry at the ongoing Arab terrorism, but what does murdering a baby have to do with protecting Jewish lives or furthering Jewish settlement in the Land of Israel?

Tonight, live Meerkat interactive video tour and talk in Jerusalem.

The US doesn’t want Pollard & he doesn’t want America- release him with 1 condition: No return to US

Meet Republican US presidential candidate Kerry Bowers & listen to his message to the Israeli public

Amongst the Palestinians (sic) what is promoted and praised for its young people? Terror & martyrdom

“If you can’t negotiate with your enemy, why negotiate at all?” Great sound bite. The press loved it

More Articles from Tzvi Ben-Gedalyahu
Spielberg, Clinton and Saban.

George Soros, Steven Spielberg and Jeffrey Katzenberg have plopped down at least $1 million to Clinton’s super PAC.

two phrases

The Obama administration also promises not sell F-35 to any other Middle East country – but for how long?

Meir Ettinger, the Shin Bet’s most wanted Jew, is suspected of leading a national underground revolutionary movement.

Kerry reassures the Gulf States, who are gouging him for more arms and to force Israel out of Judea and Samaria.

No one was injured from the mortar fire that apparently strayed during clashes.

The gang attacked a Haredi man and then a religious couple with brass knuckles and a knife. The woman recited the Shema prayer.

The Muslims preacher is a permanent fixture on the Temple Mount to incite Muslims but finally has been arrested.

The “friendly” game was cancelled after the fans took over the soccer field.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/blogs/the-other-side-of-israel/fowl-peace-talks-a-treif-thanksgiving-turkey/2013/11/21/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: