web analytics
December 21, 2014 / 29 Kislev, 5775
 
At a Glance
Blogs
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



Fowl Peace Talks a Treif Thanksgiving Turkey

If all the world's experts on peace had raised turkeys on a kibbutz, there might be peace in the Middle East.
turkeys

In the Middle East, negotiating is an end unto itself. The objective is to negotiate forever.

Remember the sick birds? Not even the most God-fearing fundamentalist would have had a prayer for them, but the Arab neighbors near the kibbutz love sick turkeys because they can get them cheap. I loved to sell sick turkeys because a bird in the hand is worth more than two in the incinerator.

So, Mohammed and Youssef came by once every couple of weeks to buy sick turkeys, or what vaguely resembled turkey. But they had no idea they were dealing with a Yankee who learned International Relations 101 and was totally ignorant of Middle East culture.

“Look,” I told them honestly. “Six have broken legs, five suffer from bronchitis, three others have some stomach tumor and two more are in an advanced stage of Parkinson’s Disease.”

“How much?” asked Mohammed, after the usual two-hour ritual of sipping tea together and our lying to each other how much we are peace-loving friends.

“You can take them for 10 cents a pound,” I generously responded, not knowing the unwritten Middle East law that a seller must ask for three times the price he is willing to take. Mohammed offered eight cents. I replied, “No way. Ten cents is 10 cents. Take it or leave it.”

I was smart to know he would try to cut the price after seeing the merchandise, so I showed him ahead of time a couple of diseased turkeys that still were living. Figuring I was a dumb American who needed to learn the facts of Middle East life, Mohammed shook hands with me and we offered each other a false smile to disguise our mutual distrust.

I brought them all out, except for a couple that died on the way, and Mohammed declared, “I’ll give you eight cents a pound.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked. “We shook hands on 10 cents a pound. A deal is a deal.”

Mohammed, not having heard of International Relations 101, thought I was nuts: “What do you mean, ‘a deal’? Where do you come from?”

“I’m from the United States of America,” I responded.

Mohammed compassionately explained, “Look, when in the Middle East, do as the Semites do. You’re supposed to offer me nine cents a pound. Then, I come back with eight cents a pound. Then, we sit down for tea again and tell each other how we really are cousins. After that, we decide to continue bargaining tomorrow.”

I took the opportunity to educate Mohammed and Youssef about modern Western civilization. “We shook hands on 10 cents, and 10 cents is what it is going to be. Not a penny more and not a penny less. It’s time you guys started catching up with the 21st century.”

Youssef looked at Mohammed. Mohammed looked at Youssef. Both realized they were dealing with a turkey who can’t tell the difference between a dinar and a shekel. They returned home, bewildered by this disgusting Western attempt to enlighten 3,500 years of Middle East civilization.

Mohammed and Youssef’s families didn’t get meat for dinner, and I spent a fortune on kerosene to burn dead turkeys. Mohammed and his neighbors in the village stole some healthy turkeys from the kibbutz in the middle of the night. The next evening, I retaliated and severely damaged their TV antenna and injured several shirts hanging on a clothesline.

Three months later, Mohammed and Youssef were going nuts without TV and I was losing money because I had to pay for a security fence around the turkey barns.

The three of us met on the road one day. Each of us caught the other off guard, so we sat down and drank tea, convincing each other how there would be peace if it were only up to us.

We agreed to resume bargaining the next day over a new batch of sick turkeys. After two years, relations never have been better. We bargain every day. Mohammed and Youssef survive on their usual Middle East diet of pita and olives, without sick turkey meat, and I use the charcoal from the burnt birds to keep me a lot warmer than the beat-up space heater.

About the Author: Tzvi Ben Gedalyahu is a graduate in journalism and economics from The George Washington University. He has worked as a cub reporter in rural Virginia and as senior copy editor for major Canadian metropolitan dailies. Tzvi wrote for Arutz Sheva for several years before joining the Jewish Press.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

2 Responses to “Fowl Peace Talks a Treif Thanksgiving Turkey”

  1. When you look in the wrong places, you’ll always find the wrong things. So why should we expect anything else and who’s fault is it? The “business” of America is business, I was told in school.

  2. Bear Klein says:

    On matters of business my experience is you can do business with
    our Arab neighbors. On the matter of local rule there is no compromise because they want to rule the whole area and kick us out.

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
funny rocket joke
Israel Retaliates: Hits Terror Tunnel Cement Factory
Latest Blogs Stories
Alan Gross (L)

Did Cuba apologize for their spies the way Israel apologized for Pollard?

Torah scroll. (illustrative only)

Nothing binds Jews together more than Torah observance; Or so one would think.

tinsel-314750_1280

Sukkah tinsel decorations enjoy a robust market but are invariably manufactured for “another”holiday

PM Benjamin Netanyahu with Yishai and Tamar Fogel, survivors of an Arab terror attack which killed their parents and 3 siblings.

A number of Israeli papers regurgitated a biased AP article on settlement growth, but they should have read it more carefully before hitting publish.

Many of the battles of the Maccabees were right here in the Shiloh area.

Both Labor and Likud are expected to get more seats in the upcoming elections.

Get a straight answer from Edward de Bono to the question: What is lateral thinking?

Jewish communities worldwide commemorate Yehudit during Chanukah by eating dairy foods in her honor

Israel’s problem isn’t Indyk, Obama, UN, NGOs or even the media; Our problem is much closer to home.

None of the attacks on Jewish & property should come as a surprise in light of the Temple Mount.

No surprise! Israel is now being blamed for Ziad Abu Ein’s death.

How does the new U.S. tax amnesty affect American citizens living in Israel and abroad?

The party chiefs are acting drunk and childish – making stupid mistakes and inadvertently showing their true selves – just like on Purim.

A day dedicated to Torah&tradition; a day of great joy and of great sadness- a brit and a burial.

Who was this Minister of Rage, Ziad abu Ein, and what did he do to qualify for his position as a senior minister in the PA?

JoeSettler explains the electoral mess we’re in, and a possible solution for fixing it.

More Articles from Tzvi Ben-Gedalyahu
The annual  Chabad menorah lighting in Sydney has been called off this year because of the murders in the Lindt cafe.

The decision to not publicly light the Menorah in Sydney, epitomizes the eternal dilemma of Judaism and Jews in the Diaspora.

The annual  Chabad menorah lighting in Sydney has been called off this year because of the murders in the Lindt cafe.

Is Sydney also going to turn out the lights on Christmas trees?

Are machine gun shots all night long and the death from a “work accident” not enough evidence for the EU court?

The State Dept. re-defines “unilateral” and won’t veto a resolution that does not explicitly ”prejudge” outcome of peace talks.

High housing prices are blamed, but has anyone suggested that working for a living might help?

The decision may boomerang on Hamas once the court studies new evidence to prove Israel’s case.

Abbas’ counting on vocal support doesn’t mean he knows how to count votes.

Cannabis is being touted as a cure for diseases from diabetes to Parkinson’s and epilepsy.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/blogs/the-other-side-of-israel/fowl-peace-talks-a-treif-thanksgiving-turkey/2013/11/21/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: