web analytics
May 25, 2013 /16 Sivan, 5773
At a Glance ▼
Judaism
Sponsored Post
The Tosfos Yomtov was convinced that the death of 300,000 –600,000 Jews during the Chmielnicki massacres of 1648-49 were because of improper Tefila. Communicated: Tefilla

Chillul Tefila Bifarhesia, as well as halachicly challenged verbiage and dress, are external manifestations of a critical lack of personal yiras shomayim which has lethal consequences.



My Packrat Friend


Latest update: May 20th, 2012
tell a friend
Lessons-logo

My friend Mrs. Rosen (not her real name) asked me to share her story. A widow for several years, she recently moved back to the community where she grew up so that she could help her elderly parents. She found a small apartment near them and a job, and set about building a life in a place she hadn’t lived in for 40 years. This is her story:

Moving here has been a difficult transition. Everything looks sort of familiar, but after all these years I don’t recognize anyone except the very elderly people who were already middle-aged when I was growing up. Everyone who was young has changed so much that we are just unrecognizable to each other. Besides that, most of my friends moved away long ago. My job is fine, but everyone else at that company is much younger. We get along well, but they’re not friend material. The shul is fine, but again most of the members are young families or Iranian immigrants who don’t speak much English. There aren’t many volunteer opportunities in the Jewish community, either. Plus, when I told my folks I was coming back they started a list of projects for me. None of them are physically taxing (they don’t want me to paint the porch), but they all take time. The problem with doing things for my folks is that they’re very critical. I’d forgotten how difficult they could be. When I’ve been visiting – either alone or with my family, when my children were young and my husband was alive – they’ve been fine. But now that we’re seeing so much more of each other, the “company manners” have worn off. Nothing I do is good enough for them. When I was young they praised me for being a stay-at-home mom; now they say I should have had a better, more lucrative career. My apartment is too small, my furniture is too large, the projects I’ve done for them (under their direction) haven’t been done right, and so forth. You get the idea.

If I had friends with whom to spend time, if I had found some volunteer activities that would take up time, it would help. But so far I haven’t. As a result, I’ve been feeling very down. I’ve started being very critical of myself. I had that problem when I was young, but studying about middos helped, and my wonderful husband helped me focus on my strengths instead of my weaknesses. But now that I’m alone I’m afraid I’m falling back into those childhood ways.

I’ve been listening online to classes about middos, and I’ve been praying for patience with my parents and for friends. But I had gotten so negative that I was even hating myself. Why was I having trouble making friends? Why had God taken my husband? Why had my children decided to move far away from the city where they’d grown up, so that my decision to return to my hometown was easy? What was wrong with me? I don’t like to admit it, but I was filling my head with garbage. And all the prayer and Torah study weren’t helping.

Then, the other morning, everything changed. I walk every morning before work, and most mornings I pass a woman I knew in high school who is out working in her yard. We weren’t friends (she was two years ahead of me) but we knew each other, and that was enough to break the ice between us. Her yard is spectacular. Flowers bloom, die back and are replaced by others, and she removes the weeds before they’re large enough to be seen. When I pass by, I feel like I’m in the pages of a fancy gardening magazine.

Pam (not her real name) is the closest I have to a friend here, but until that morning I’d never been inside her home. She has a lovely house on a hillside with a wonderful view, and of course it is set in that lovely garden. We were talking about insurance, and she offered to give me the name and number of her agent. “Come inside,” she told me.

I was thrilled to see the inside of her house at last. I had pictured it many times, as meticulously kept and decorated as her lovely gardens. But was I in for a shock! The house is an absolute mess. There are piles of this and stacks of that, packages of storage containers, magazines and newspapers, clothing, and more. There was no place to sit down and no counter space in the kitchen to cook on. I must have looked shocked, because Pam said, “I’m pretty untidy, I know. I spend every free minute outside, so I don’t have time to keep up inside. And I hate to throw things away, so they just pile up.” She shrugged while laughing it off, dug out a notepad, pencil and her address book, and gave me her phone number.

tell a friend

About the Author:


You might also be interested in:


no comments

You must log in to post a comment.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
David Arenberg lost many things during his nearly 12 years in prison, but he found a connection to Judaism.
A Jew Grows in Prison
Latest Judaism Stories
Leff-052413
Judaism → Parsha

Do you say Shema before you go to sleep? I’m sure you do.

But perhaps you, like many, feel too tired at night to say the entire tefillah of Kri’as Shema as it appears in the siddur. If you do say the entire tefillah, you will recognize a pasuk in this week’s Haftorah. And if you don’t say the whole Kri’as Shema al Hamitah, perhaps after this column, you’ll re-consider and find yourself connecting with the following very comforting pasuk.

Niehaus-052413
Judaism → Parsha

The sand is rapidly running through the hourglass, as the centrifuges in the secret Iranian nuclear plants spin furiously. It is quite clear that the Iranians are on the brink of attaining nuclear capability, and we are well aware of the danger that would face Klal Yisroel in that event, chas v’sholom. All the sanctions, threats, and computer worm attacks do not seem to be stopping them, and it is terrifying. And when we see how vulnerable we are to terrorist attacks anywhere in the world, we become even more terrified.

The-Shmuz
Judaism → Parsha

Miriam spoke disparagingly about Moshe Rabbeinu. Because of this, she contracted tzaras, and for seven days she was sent outside the camp of Israel.

Business-Halacha-logo
Judaism → Halacha & Hashkafa

Samuel Scherr was a very successful businessman. He also was generous and would share of his wealth with others. In this way, he became the uncle of favor to his nieces and nephews, whom he would frequently shower with gifts.

Judaism → Halacha & Hashkafa

Detached Or Unrelated
‘He Made An Asheirah Tree Into a Ladder…’
(Eruvin 78b)

Judaism → Parsha

In this week’s parshah we read about the individuals who were tamei and thus could not bring the korban Pesach. They approached Moshe Rabbeinu and asked him whether there was anything they could do to bring the korban. Ultimately, Hashem told Moshe that they should bring a korban a month after Pesach, on the 14th of Iyar.

Judaism → Ask the Rabbi

Question: As Shavuot is fast approaching – a holiday on which we dwell on the story of Ruth and the origins of the royal house of David – I was wondering if you could help me resolve something. Some people say that Rabbi Yehudah HaNassi, the redactor of the six orders of the Mishnah and a scion of King David, purposely kept any mention of Chanukah and the Hasmonean kings out of the Mishnah because the Hasmoneans improperly crowned themselves and ignored the rule that all Jewish kings are supposed to come from the tribe of Yehudah. Is this true?

Menachem
(Via E-Mail)

Judaism → Halacha & Hashkafa

One of the thirty-nine prohibited melachot on Shabbat is carrying an object from a private domain, reshut hayachid, to a public domain, reshut harabim, or carrying an object a distance of four amot, six to eight feet, in a reshut harabim. The Torah does permit, however, carrying within the reshut hayachid itself. The definition of a reshut hayachid and a reshut harabim is crucial, therefore, to the laws of carrying on Shabbat.

Judaism → Halacha & Hashkafa

Question: The Midrash notes that the song the Jews sang after they crossed the Red Sea (“Az Yashir”) was unique; its likes had never been heard before in the world. Our Sages even refer to it as a shirah chadashah, a “new song.” What made “Az Yashir” so unique and in what sense was it a “new song”?

Judaism → Columns → Lessons In Emunah

The rav was not a wealthy man, but earned enough to live comfortably. He earned his money by serving as the rav of a religious community in Yerushalayim. He also received some royalties from sefarim he had written over the years. He was well known, and many people approached him for a berachah, advice and help. They were not turned away.

Judaism → Columns → Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks

Tanach, the Hebrew Bible, is remarkable for the extreme realism with which it portrays human character. Its heroes are not superhuman. Its non-heroes are not archetypal villains. The best have failings; the worst often have saving virtues. I know of no other religious literature quite like it.

Judaism → Rebbetzin's Viewpoint

Last week I shared a letter from a newly observant Jewish woman. She and her husband reside in a small suburban community outside of Los Angeles. Last year they came to consult with me on a personal religious issue. While they were both ba’alei teshuvah, there was one fine difference between them. He had become a ba’al teshuvah earlier than she and was therefore somewhat more settled in an observant lifestyle.

Judaism → Torah

I watch my children use blocks to build a large structure, observing the trepidation with which they add each block. As the structure becomes larger there is a greater risk of it collapsing, thus bringing an end to an hour of playful labor. I anticipate what will happen when one child adds a block to the top floor, compromising the integrity of the building and resulting in the collapse of the entire structure. The argument that ensues is predictable, as each child blames the other for “ruining” the fun. As an adult, I wonder about the need to attribute blame. Will assigning blame be instrumental in rebuilding the structure?

Judaism → Parsha

In this week’s parshah the Torah discusses the halachos of when one steals from another and when confronted in beis din, the thief swears falsely with his denial that he stole. This parshah was already taught in parshas Vayikra; however, there are two halachos that the Torah adds in this parshah to this topic.

Judaism → Halacha & Hashkafa

In order to carry from one’s home into the street (even when the area is enclosed by a properly constructed eruv), the eruvin ceremony must be performed. This ceremony involves the placing of food in one designated home on behalf of all Sabbath observers in the enclosed area. In order for the eruvin ceremony to be valid, however, it must be performed on behalf of all owners of streets and homes in the enclosed area.

More Articles from Hanna Geshelin
Lessons-logo
Judaism → Columns → Lessons In Emunah

My friend Mrs. Rosen (not her real name) asked me to share her story. A widow for several years, she recently moved back to the community where she grew up so that she could help her elderly parents.

    Latest Poll

    If you could only choose one of the following scenarios regarding Chareidi IDF service, which would you choose?





    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/judaism/jewish-columns/lessons-in-emunah/my-packrat-friend/2012/02/01/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online:

No related posts.

Close