web analytics
May 23, 2015 / 5 Sivan, 5775
At a Glance
Judaism
Sponsored Post


Hashem Is the Ultimate Shadchan (cont.)

Money cannot create a bond of love or faithfulness between husband and wife.
Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Two weeks ago I published a letter from a mother who sought guidance in finding the right shidduch for her eldest daughter. Last week I began my response, focusing on her specific situation. This week I’m expanding on that response in more general terms because so many readers experience their own shidduch-related dilemmas.

One of the concerns expressed by the letter-writer was the importance that all too many people place on money when it comes to searching for a shidduch. She is right to be concerned. Money can build walls of animosity between friends, siblings, spouses, parents and cousins. Money can destroy lives.

Money is often equated with happiness, but those who make that equation eventually realize that money in fact does not bring contentment. There are all too many tragic marriages – and painful divorces – among the affluent.

Money cannot create a bond of love or faithfulness between husband and wife. Money cannot replace the power of love. It cannot substitute for the meeting of hearts that creates shalom bayis – a tranquil home. Children who grow up in a home where love is cherished over money inherit a legacy they pass on from generation to generation. The opposite, alas, also holds true.

Many centuries ago the giants of our people warned us, “All love that is contingent on any one thing will not last.” So if you marry someone for that person’s fortune, or looks, or prestige, any semblance of love will disappear once those gifts evaporate. One of the words for money is “zuzim,” which literally translated means “to move,” teaching us that money moves – today you have it but tomorrow it moves someplace else.

Those who build their lives on money invite disaster, for not only does money move, it does not satisfy the soul. Our Torah teaches, “Not by bread alone does man live but by that which emanates from the lips of Hashem.” To try to outsmart our Torah and bypass the word of God for bread (money) is to invite disaster into our lives.

Through my experiences at Hineni, and as the rebbetzin of a glorious rabbi, Rav Meshulem HaLevi Jungreis, zt”l, and the daughter and granddaughter of saintly sages, I have witnessed time and again the problems people bring on themselves when they build their lives on the quicksand of money. This holds true in the secular as well as the Orthodox world.

If you marry someone because his or her parents are wealthy and will happily support you or because your new spouse is earning a seven-figure salary, you are placing your fate in very uncertain hands. Things can, and do, change in the proverbial blink of an eye. The in-laws go bankrupt or the business collapses and suddenly the expensive clothes and the fancy vacations are no longer there. The husband can no longer lease a top-of-the-line car; the wife can no longer employ a housekeeper, even once a week. A second family car now becomes a budget-breaker. The wife must start getting around by subway or bus. Tuition for the children’s expensive schools is out of the question.

Where peace once prevailed there are altercations, mean words, anger and bitterness. Life is turned upside down and the entire household is in turmoil. I have had many couples in such situations come to me on the brink of divorce and sometimes already separated. Only yesterday they thought they were in love but when the money disappeared the foundations of the marriage dissolved with it.

Unfortunately, when it comes to human nature there is no distinction between secular and Orthodox. Very often a couple marries with the assurance that parents or in-laws will support them while the husband devotes himself to studying Torah. The young couple has no worries. Mom and Dad provide a credit card, pay the tuition when children enter the picture, and even buy a house when the family grows. From A-Z, everything is taken care of. And then suddenly the wheel of fortune turns and the parents no longer are in a position to be so generous. Anger now dominates the home of the couple who for years had been handed everything on a parental platter. “Where is my check?” “Where is the credit card?” “How can we take care of our expenses?” “But you promised to support us!”

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Hashem Is the Ultimate Shadchan (cont.)”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Tzipi Hotovely, new Deputy Foreign Minister.
Foreign Minister Hotovely: Tell the World ‘God Gave Israel to the Jews’
Latest Judaism Stories
Leff-052215

There is a great debate as to whether this story actually took place or is simply a metaphor, a prophetic vision shown to Hoshea by Hashem.

Staum-052215

Every person is presented with moments when he/she must make difficult decisions about how to proceed.

Torat-Hakehillah-logo-NEW

One does not necessarily share the opinions of one’s brother. One may disapprove of his actions, values, and/or beliefs. However, with brothers there is a bond of love and caring that transcends all differences.

Torah

This Shavuot let’s give G-d a gift too: Let’s make this year different by doing just 1 more mitzvah

Question: Should we wash our hands in the bathroom with soap and water, or by pouring water from a vessel with handles three times, alternating hands? I have heard it said that a vessel is used only in the morning upon awakening. What are the rules pertaining to young children? What is the protocol if […]

God and the divine origin of His Torah are facts even though we do not fully comprehend them.

So if we basically live the same life, why should he get eternal reward and not me?”

The question is: What about pidyon haben? Can one give the five sela’im required for pidyon haben to a kohen’s daughter?

In Parshas Pinchas the Torah introduces the Mussaf for Shavuos by describing it as Yom HaBikurim when we bring the new offering.

Rachel was thrown by the sight and began to caringly think whom this person might be.

The desert, with its unearthly silence & emptiness, is the condition in which the Word can be heard

The census focused on the individual, proving each is created as irreplaceable, unique images of God

Jewish survival in a dysfunctional world requires women assuming the role Hashem gave them at Sinai

The Honor Of Reading The Kesubah
‘Witnesses Sign Only After Reading…’
(Kesubos 109a)

Why does the Torah use two different words for “to count,” and what does each indicate?

From Bemidbar on and in Nevi’im, the nation is viewed primarily by its component parts, the tribes

More Articles from Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Jewish survival in a dysfunctional world requires women assuming the role Hashem gave them at Sinai

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

In every generation is the challenge to purge the culture of our exile from our minds and our hearts

His mother called “Yoni, Yoni!” Her eyes, a moment earlier dark with pain, shone with joy and hope

Pesach bonds families and generations: “So that you may relate it to your son and your son’s son.

Amalek’s hate never dies; its descendants are eternal & omnipresent; Hashem is our only protection

I try to be observant, davening daily, but it hasn’t awakened my heart or my mind or changed my life

France allowed Islamists to flourish despite their loyalty to Islamic sharia law not French values

“Surely,” my family insisted, “there must be someone suitable for you. You can’t be so picky.”

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/judaism/rebbetzins-viewpointrebbetzin-jungreis/hashem-is-the-ultimate-shadchan-2/2013/06/27/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: