web analytics
August 28, 2014 / 2 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat (L) visits the JewishPress.com booth at The Event. And the Winners of the JewishPress.com Raffle Are…

Congratulations to all the winners of the JewishPress.com raffle at The Event



Marital Connection Plan (Second Of Two Parts)


Neuman-Rabbi-M-Gary

Dear Mordechai,

Our marriage has gotten stale. It’s not that we don’t love each other but with the kids and everything else there seems to never be any time for my husband and me. I’m sure we’re not the only ones but we need some real help. What can we do and how can we go about making time for our marriage. Everyone says just make time but that never seems to work.

Answer (Continued From Last Week)

Connection Plan #3: Have a Weekly Date Night. One night a week, no matter what, you and your spouse should go out alone to enjoy each other’s company. You can do anything, go anywhere and talk about anything, except three things: money, children and work (unless it’s exciting stuff – I got a promotion, our child has been selected as valedictorian, let’s plan our trip to Europe). Many couples laugh and tell me there’s nothing else to talk about. I reassure them that they’ll find something – they didn’t fall in love because of scintillating stressful conversations about kids and money. You fell in love discussing what was interesting to you. On your date nights, it’s time to return to that place in yourself where you are interested and interesting. It is on this night, the same night each week, that no one plans anything else without first clearing it with the other.

If you have young kids, make a standing arrangement with a babysitter or family member for that night of the week, or swap babysitting with a friend, if necessary. And if you must miss date night because you have to attend an event on the assigned evening, you must make it up on another evening that same week. The date must last a minimum of two hours. If a date day works better for you, go for it. If you have a newborn and are uncomfortable using a babysitter, take the infant with you, if you must, but get out of the house. Avoid meeting any other couple for at least the first two hours of your date. The date night is about one thing: enjoying each other’s company. It’s about kindness and tenderness. Talk to your spouse about the things he or she loves to talk about. Be quiet and listen. Enjoy your spouse’s voice, perspective and life energy. Tell a joke. Laugh at yourself. Hold your mate’s face in your hands and smile. With every giggle comes a deeper love and bond.

Take turns planning the date night, or create a “grab bag” of ideas for dating fun: Each of you writes on slips of paper, to put into a “grab bag”, three dates you would like to have. Pick one slip of paper out of the bag three or four days before the date and start planning it together. One couple’s grab bag ideas included painting, reading comic-strip books together and bicycling – three things they had never done since getting married, 17 years earlier. This way you avoid that stale moment in the car when both of you look at each other dumbfounded and say, “Whaddya wanna do?” I dunno. Whadda you wanna do?” which is another way of saying, “I’m not taking this date thing too seriously.”

Get yourself a little charged-up about spending alone time with your lover and soulmate. Make some nights a surprise, and don’t tell your spouse what you’ve planned until you’re already on your way out together. Every time out doesn’t have to be dazzling, just thoughtful enough to say, “I put some effort into this and wanted to find something different to do. Let’s find some new fun together.”

Your date night doesn’t have to be an extravaganza. Sometimes my clients tell me, “I live in a town that closes at 10 p.m.” But walking is a wonderful way to connect or having a drink at a hotel somewhere with music in the background – it lessens the intensity of a dinner out, where couples have to face each other and come up with fascinating material. It’s best to have somewhere to go, something to look at and to chat along the way. If it’s cold, walk in a mall and have fun people watching and window-shopping. Cooking is a creative and sensual experience, research recipes and purchase the ingredients together. Many megabook stores are perfect places for exploring. Have a cup of coffee, play some Scrabble and scan books together. Even a small bookstore offers a wide variety of reading. Sit on the floor between the aisles and share interesting points on many topics. Read each other some jokes, as well as some tips on making your marriage special. Spirit comes from inside: focus on fun and you’ll find the perfect play activities to enjoy together, with laughter.

About the Author: Check out Gary’s web program where he interviews couples who share their struggles and innermost thoughts and feelings at mgaryneuman.com. Facebook or Twitter Gary at mgaryneuman. M. Gary Neuman is a NY Times best selling author and a frequent guest on the Oprah show. He lives in Miami with his wife and five children.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Marital Connection Plan (Second Of Two Parts)”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Hamas terror chief Ismail Haniyeh waves to Hamas supporters during a Hamas rally in  Gaza City, August 27, 2014.
Hamas’s Ismail Haniyeh Hospitalized
Latest Sections Stories
Itzhak Perlman and Cantor Yitzchak Meir Helfgot together in concert.

Almost immediately the audience began singing and clapping and continued almost without stop throughout the rest of the concert.

Mordechai-082214-Armoire

As of late, vintage has definitely been in vogue in the Orthodox community.

Einhorn-082214-Water

Stroll through formal gardens, ride mountain bikes, or go rock climbing.

As they fall upon us we go
To the WALL.

One minute you’re shaving shwarma off a pit, then the shwarma guy tells you he read a (fake) WhatsApp that the boys are dead.

I probe a little deeper and Shula takes me into the world of phantom pains and prosthetic limbs.

This went on until she had immersed eighty times, and then Hashem at last took pity upon her.

Because Menachem lives in Israel, he can feel the ruach in the air.

Perhaps you can reach a compromise during this news frenzy, whereby you will feel more comfortable while he can still follow the latest events.

Leon experienced the War of Independence from a soldier’s perspective, while remaining true to his Jewish ideals and beliefs.

Chabad of Arizona centers recently hosted an evening of remembrance to mark the 20th yahrzeit of the Lubavitcher Rebbe.

More Articles from Rabbi M. Gary Neuman
Neuman-Rabbi-M-Gary

Sacrifice is the backbone of our souls. It indicates self-regulation for a higher purpose.

Neuman-Rabbi-M-Gary

Spoiler Alert: Going to see the movie “Saving Mr. Banks”, starring Tom Hanks is not like going to Disney World. Well, it is like going to Disney World if you go mid-August with your triplet toddlers, feed them all cotton candy, and lose your car because you forgot you parked in Pluto 7.394. It’s not a happy Disney movie.

Stacy and George walked out of the marriage counselor’s office angrier than when they arrived. It was their third session and this last fight over his ex-wife wasn’t going away. The fifty minutes spent embroiled in a detailed account of their battle only fired up their anger – and the counselor’s request to remember how much they love each other wasn’t helping. It would be a week before the next session and both of them were already talking about not coming back.

The therapeutic alliance has always been about a firm connection between patient and counselor. There has always been one primary standard – physically meeting in an office setting. There might be some phone calls in between sessions or to bridge some vacation gap. But therapy has always been about a feeling of connectivity and there is no better way to do this than face-to-face.

Cindy is 43, successful, attractive, a dedicated mom, extremely caring… and she hates herself. She doesn’t readily admit this, but spend a minute inside her head and you’ll discover the resounding messages revolving around negative rants – everything from “I failed” to “I should’ve done better.” You wouldn’t know it from her behavior. She’s a high functioning, regular member of society.

As adults who were children of divorce know, healing does not occur through time alone. In fact, my research found that only 46% said they had a positive relationship with their fathers as adults.

Stacy and Michael walked out of the marriage counselor’s office angrier than when they arrived. It was their third session and this last fight over his ex wife wasn’t going away. The fifty minutes embroiled in a detailed outline of the battle only fired up their anger and the counselor’s request to remember how much they love each other wasn’t helping. It would be a week before the next session and both of them were already talking about not returning for therapy.

From the moment they stand under the chuppah, newlyweds have two years to enjoy the special bliss that new love brings. This new finding, reported by the New York Times, is based on a study undertaken by American and European researchers. 1,761 people who got married and stayed married over 15 years were followed. The research shows that after two years the couples moved into a more companionable state in their relationships.

    Latest Poll

    Do you think the FAA ban on US flights to Israel is political?






    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/marital-connection-plan-second-of-two-parts/2006/03/01/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: