web analytics
August 20, 2014 / 24 Av, 5774
Israel at War: Operation Protective Edge
 
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat (L) visits the JewishPress.com booth at The Event. And the Winners of the JewishPress.com Raffle Are…

Congratulations to all the winners of the JewishPress.com raffle at The Event



Special Chanukah Parody Edition

Question: How do you celebrate Chanukah?

 

 


I can really appreciate Chanukah since it’s a festival about oil, and my family and I understand the value of oil lasting for eight days. We will light the ceremonial menorah at the White House and then enjoy some delicious lattes.

- George W. Bush, president

 

 

 



I’m gonna put on my yarmulka and sing with my harmonica and create another hit record about famous Jews. Hey, can I borrow this article when you’re done?

- Adam Sandler, singer/actor

 

 

 

 


I will inflate the spirituality of my home through lighting the menorah. I will take stock of the history of the day and enjoy it for its religious beauty while making sure family spending is within our budgetary limit.

- Allan Greenspan, former Federal Reserve chairman

 


 


I relate to Chanukah so much that I’ve even adopted the name of its main heroine, Esther. Every time I bite into the traditional bitter herb I think back to the ancient Hebrews and how much they endured. I will celebrate the holiday by purchasing red strings and specially blessed Kabbalah Water for my family and celebrity friends. It’s frighteningly overpriced but it really adds spirituality to our lives.

- Madonna, pop icon

 



What is Chanukah and why do people celebrate it? You definitely can’t say it’s a holiday about nothing since it’s a festivus for the rest of us, yada, yada, yadaI might buy myself some new sneakers, but I’ll stay away from last year’s pirate puffy shirt – not that there’s anything wrong with that. My kids are going to eat latkes with brussels sprouts from a recipe in my wife’s new cookbook, which by the way would make a great Chanukah gift. 

- Jerry Seinfeld, comedian

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Special Chanukah Parody Edition”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
The Gaza Region
Live Updates: Hamas Rockets Land Along Coast, In Border Towns (13:43pm)
Latest Sections Stories
Lewis-081514-Anna-Ticho

“I didn’t choose the landscape; it chose me.”

Astaire-081514

Woe to us that we have to be put to death like common heathen and murderers!

Baim-081514

The world sees the hand of God through us, and does not like it.

Rosen-081514-Amen

The Rebbetzin began campaigning to increase public awareness of the importance of saying Amen.

Some educators today believe that Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder falls into an executive function category.

It’s ironic that the reality of death is often the greatest force steering the affirmation of life.

The theme of the event was “Together Let us Rebuild our Holy Beis HaMikdash on Tisha B’Av.”

Chaya Aydel Seminary has already established a close connection with France’s Jewish community.

All attendees left with fervent wishes for a swift and lasting peace in Israel.

How can awareness evolve from exploding stars?

Is God apologizing for taking away my Father? Is God telling me that He is sorry?

The traditional services that take place here transport visitors back in time, enabling them to smell and feel the authentic historical experience.

More Articles from Ita Yankovich
Yankovitch-030714-Houston

Wouldn’t it be great if you had a chavrusa working with you, guiding and helping you in your work environment?

Yankovitch-071913-uniform

In a time when service to one’s community seems to be a forgotten ideal, it is our pleasure to continue sharing with you the stories of those men and women who were willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for freedom.

The Jewish Press recently sat down with Chaya Lipschutz, a Brooklyn woman who saved the life of a stranger.

In the past, people used to turn to coffee or orange juice to get through a midday slump, but today, many are turning to power and energy drinks for a quicker and longer-lasting jolt. The power drink industry is booming with projected sales of $9 billion and no sign of slowing down anytime soon.

Every week nearly three million viewers tune into the Bravo cable channel to watch the hit reality franchise “The Real Housewives” – several shows that follow the lives of affluent housewives and professional women residing in several American metropolitan areas (“The Real Housewives of New York,” “The Real Housewives of Los Angeles,” of Miami, of Atlanta, etc.).

Not too many Jewish World War II survivors from Germany can say that they had the distinction of being both interned in a concentration camp and liberating the captives in that same camp. Erwin Weinberg did just that.

Recently I had the opportunity to spend some times with Bernard (Bernie) Walz and get a glimpse of his war experiences.

As I approached the home of Irving and Miriam Borenstein in the Mill Basin section of Brooklyn, two things became clear: the pride they feel at being Jewish and their joy at living in America. On their front lawn are large American and Israeli flags with a plaque in front which reads:

Never forget the six million murdered in the Holocaust and the three thousand murdered on 9/11.

May G-d remember them for the good with the other righteous of the world.

    Latest Poll

    Do you think the FAA ban on US flights to Israel is political?






    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/special-chanukah-parody-edition/2007/11/28/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: