web analytics
September 17, 2014 / 22 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Apartment 758x530 Africa-Israel at the Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York

Africa Israel Residences, part of the Africa Israel Investments Group led by international businessman Lev Leviev, will present 7 leading projects on the The Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York on Sep 14-15, 2014.



Special Chanukah Parody Edition

Question: How do you celebrate Chanukah?

 

 


I can really appreciate Chanukah since it’s a festival about oil, and my family and I understand the value of oil lasting for eight days. We will light the ceremonial menorah at the White House and then enjoy some delicious lattes.

- George W. Bush, president

 

 

 



I’m gonna put on my yarmulka and sing with my harmonica and create another hit record about famous Jews. Hey, can I borrow this article when you’re done?

- Adam Sandler, singer/actor

 

 

 

 


I will inflate the spirituality of my home through lighting the menorah. I will take stock of the history of the day and enjoy it for its religious beauty while making sure family spending is within our budgetary limit.

- Allan Greenspan, former Federal Reserve chairman

 


 


I relate to Chanukah so much that I’ve even adopted the name of its main heroine, Esther. Every time I bite into the traditional bitter herb I think back to the ancient Hebrews and how much they endured. I will celebrate the holiday by purchasing red strings and specially blessed Kabbalah Water for my family and celebrity friends. It’s frighteningly overpriced but it really adds spirituality to our lives.

- Madonna, pop icon

 



What is Chanukah and why do people celebrate it? You definitely can’t say it’s a holiday about nothing since it’s a festivus for the rest of us, yada, yada, yadaI might buy myself some new sneakers, but I’ll stay away from last year’s pirate puffy shirt – not that there’s anything wrong with that. My kids are going to eat latkes with brussels sprouts from a recipe in my wife’s new cookbook, which by the way would make a great Chanukah gift. 

- Jerry Seinfeld, comedian

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Special Chanukah Parody Edition”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Establishment media report PA economy  a disaster. Above: Gourmet restaurant in Ramallah Mall.
Media Sells Phony Story of Suffering Palestinian Authority Economy
Latest Sections Stories
Ganz-091214-Fifty

Today, fifty years and six million (!) people later, Israel is truly a different world.

Goldberg-091214

There will always be items that don’t freeze well – salads and some rice- or potato-based dishes – so you need to leave time to prepare or cook them closer to Yom Tov and ensure there is enough room in the refrigerator to store them.

Women's under-trousers, Uzbekistan, early 20th century

In Uzbekistan, in the early twentieth century, it was the women who wore the pants.

Schonfeld-logo1

This is an important one in raising a mentsch (and maybe even in marrying off a mentsch! listening skills are on the top of the list when I do shidduch coaching).

While multitasking is not ideal, it is often necessary and unavoidable.

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

The interpreter was expected to be a talmid chacham himself and be able to also offer explanations and clarifications to the students.

“When Frank does something he does it well and you don’t have to worry about dotting the i’s or crossing the t’s.”

“On Sunday I was at the Kotel with the battalion and we said a prayer of thanks. In Gaza there were so many moments of death that I had to thank God that I’m alive. Only then did I realize how frightening it had been there.”

Neglect, indifference or criticism can break a person’s neshama.

It’s fair to say that we all know or have someone in our family who is divorced.

The assumption of a shared kinship is based on being part of the human race. Life is so much easier to figure out when everyone thinks the same way.

Various other learning opportunities will be offered to the community throughout the year.

The new group will also deliver kosher food to Jewish residents in non-kosher facilities, as well as to kosher facilities where the food is not up to par.

More Articles from Ita Yankovich
Yankovitch-030714-Houston

Wouldn’t it be great if you had a chavrusa working with you, guiding and helping you in your work environment?

Yankovitch-071913-uniform

In a time when service to one’s community seems to be a forgotten ideal, it is our pleasure to continue sharing with you the stories of those men and women who were willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for freedom.

The Jewish Press recently sat down with Chaya Lipschutz, a Brooklyn woman who saved the life of a stranger.

In the past, people used to turn to coffee or orange juice to get through a midday slump, but today, many are turning to power and energy drinks for a quicker and longer-lasting jolt. The power drink industry is booming with projected sales of $9 billion and no sign of slowing down anytime soon.

Every week nearly three million viewers tune into the Bravo cable channel to watch the hit reality franchise “The Real Housewives” – several shows that follow the lives of affluent housewives and professional women residing in several American metropolitan areas (“The Real Housewives of New York,” “The Real Housewives of Los Angeles,” of Miami, of Atlanta, etc.).

Not too many Jewish World War II survivors from Germany can say that they had the distinction of being both interned in a concentration camp and liberating the captives in that same camp. Erwin Weinberg did just that.

Recently I had the opportunity to spend some times with Bernard (Bernie) Walz and get a glimpse of his war experiences.

As I approached the home of Irving and Miriam Borenstein in the Mill Basin section of Brooklyn, two things became clear: the pride they feel at being Jewish and their joy at living in America. On their front lawn are large American and Israeli flags with a plaque in front which reads:

Never forget the six million murdered in the Holocaust and the three thousand murdered on 9/11.

May G-d remember them for the good with the other righteous of the world.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/special-chanukah-parody-edition/2007/11/28/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: