Photo Credit: Jewish Press

In their book Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me), Drs. Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson explain the psychology behind why many of us have difficulty admitting making mistakes. They describe the various tricks our brains use to defend our egos from noticing our shortcomings, including cognitive dissonance, confirmation bias, naïve-realism, and memory distortions.

The basic gist behind all of these is that our mind “yearns for consonance and rejects information that questions our beliefs, decisions, or preferences.” Yet, the thrust of their argument is that we could go a long way to compensate for these brain errors by just being aware that they exist and can mislead.  


The Torah describes four different instances of inadvertent sins that require sacrificial atonements, depending on who sinned: the high priest, the court, the leader, or a regular individual. While for a high priest, a court, and an individual, the Torah frames the sacrifices based on the condition of “if” they sin (“im”), when it comes to the leader, the Torah uses the word “asher” – “when the leader sins.”

Commentators are bothered by the assumption. Why do we assume a leader will sin?

The Ibn Ezra circumvents the problem by arguing that “asher” is synonymous with “im” and also means “if,” not “when.” Others take the change in wording more seriously and suggest a fundamental difference between a leader and the other three groups.

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks quotes three different explanations: a leader is more prone to arrogance (Sforno), he is more involved in secular pursuits (Rabbi Eliyahu Munk), and he can be easily strayed by popular opinion (Rabbi Meir Simcha of Dvinsk). Rabbi Sacks suggests a fourth answer that stresses the inherent difficulty and uncertainty in making political decisions.

Rashi, quoting the midrash, takes the discussion in another direction by noting that “asher” doubles as an allusion to “ashrei,” meaning happy, praiseworthy, or fortunate. “Fortunate is the generation,” he writes, “whose leader sets his heart to bring an atonement sacrifice even for an inadvertent sin; how much more certain is it that he will repent for his willful sins.”

It isn’t easy for any of us to admit our mistakes. We have so many cognitive distortions that conceal them from us. It is even more common for leaders not to see their mistakes because the stakes are higher. It is indeed worthy of pausing and celebrating such leaders who are willing to admit their mistakes and are able to model proper behavior for others.

How do we overcome all the obstacles that prevent us from seeing our mistakes? I believe the answer lies in a careful reading of Rashi’s commentary. If we pay close attention, we will notice that Rashi formulates the idea slightly differently than the sources he is quoting from.

The Tosefta, the Talmud Bavli, the Sifra, and the Yalkut Shimoni all write “praiseworthy is the generation whose leader offers a sacrifice for his unintentional sins.” Rashi adds the words “notein leiv – sets his heart.” “Praiseworthy is the generation whose leader is ‘notein leiv’ to offer a sacrifice for his unintentional sins.”

The path to be able to admit mistakes is to pay attention – to be “notein leiv.” As Drs. Tavris and Aronson argued, the way to overcome our biases is to be aware that we have them in the first place. If we become aware of the tricks our minds play on us to protect our egos, we have a chance at being able to recognize and admit when we make mistakes.


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Rabbi Dr. Mordechai Schiffman is an assistant professor at Yeshiva University’s Azrieli Graduate School of Jewish Education, the assistant rabbi at Kingsway Jewish Center, and a licensed psychologist practicing in Brooklyn. He can be reached at and on social media @psychedfortorah.