Kerachev Al Banim, Richam Hashem Al Yeraiyav
Dear Rachel,
I am a 20-year-old girl, the middle child in my family. My mother is a strikingly beautiful woman.
My older sister looks very much like her and had no problem getting married. She had plenty of suitors. My younger sister is 18 and is also very pretty.
I am the ugly duckling. I used to think that I was adopted, but I do have some resemblance to my father.
By now I’m probably sounding very petty. I know that looks are not everything, and I do come from a very special family, known for their sterling middos.
So then why am I writing? I am looking to get married, and so is my younger sister. All the shadchanim my mother has been in touch with are only asking about her. I am tired of hearing how middos are the ikar, that looks fade, and on and on.
Someone should really tell this to the boys, or rather to their mothers. If my family is so sought after, and both my younger sister and I are “special,” why not just ask about the beautiful one.
My mother says not to worry, that Hashem has someone for me. Well, maybe after my younger sister gets married, I will have a chance.
I know that you can’t help me, but I needed to unburden myself. It’s okay if you don’t choose to print my letter. I will understand.
Thank you,
No beauty
Dear Beauty,
It can’t be easy living in the shadow of your “strikingly beautiful” mother and sisters. But – and this is not meant to minimize your pain – what does “beautiful” exactly mean? How does anyone define beauty?
A self-confident demeanor, a bright and friendly smile radiating inner joy, the ability to feel gratitude to the Ribono Shel Olam for all the wonderful gifts He grants us, from the moment we open our eyes in morning and can see all the beauty of G-d’s world that He created especially for our benefit…
You are one of Hashem’s creations whom He molded according to His precise specs. You say you are writing to unburden that which weighs on your heart. Appeal directly to your benevolent Father in Heaven Who knows you better than anyone else does.
Before saying Krias Shema at bedtime, add a tefillah in your own words… When Hashem gives you back your neshama in the morning, allow yourself to feel the beauty of being alive! Inhale deeply and express your gratitude with all sincerity for all the gifts Hashem is granting you every time you take a breath.
Your mother is right in assuring you Hashem has someone out there for you. Everything will fall into place at the right time. You will be infused with a special chein when your zivug comes calling – your other half designated especially for you, destined from way back, because Hashem knows you better than anyone else.
Believe in your Creator, and you’ll believe in yourself. They go hand in hand. Yes, you are a beauty, inside and out! Just like a Father who is merciful towards His children, Hashem shows mercy for those who are in awe of Him… (Tehillim 103:12)
