web analytics
August 2, 2015 / 17 Av, 5775
At a Glance
Blogs
Sponsored Post


What Is Sexual Abuse?

Should a university be sued because their officials at that time misread those events as relatively harmless?
YU President Richard Joel (L) with past President Rabbi Dr. Norman Lamm.

YU President Richard Joel (L) with past President Rabbi Dr. Norman Lamm.
Photo Credit: Maxine Dovere

I have to admit that the sex abuse issue is one of the most difficult issues for me to deal with in all of Judaism. Like many others, I used to think this kind of thing is unthinkable in the world of Orthodox Jewry. When in the past I heard rumors about people like that, I simply did not believe them. I have of course since come to believe that not only does it happen in the Orthodox world , it seems to happen about as frequently as it does in the rest of the world.

What is sexual abuse? And what is it not? Is all physical contact between two people wrong? Are there gradations of abuse? Do all people react the same way when they are abused Should we treat different forms of abuse the same way?

There are many things one must consider before making judgments about any given situation. In my view some types of abuse is worse than others.

There are also collateral damage issues, like who gets hurt in the process of seeking justice for the victim… or those rare cases (and they do exist although they are all but ignored these days) where innocent people get accused and are tainted for life even when accusations are proven false.

This is not about whether all reasonable suspicions of abuse should be reported to the police. They should. And in my view they need not be vetted by rabbis. But I think it is still fair to look at the whole picture.

What is justice in cases of abuse?

Although justice might include financial compensation to victims by abusers and their enablers, it is very possible that good institutions long after any abuse took place – and long after the abusers, faculty, administration, and board of directors have left to be replaced by an entirely new generation of same – could be ruined by overly generous punitive damages awarded by a jury or judge. The Agudah claim that old lawsuits brought against such institutions is unfair in those cases is a legitimate concern . The new people there may not even be aware that abuse ever took place there by a one time employee decades ago.

I’m not saying they shouldn’t be sued. Perhaps they should as the Markey Bill would have allowed. But the facts remain the same. What is fair to one person may be unfair to another. And the collateral damage could be huge. That is why I had a difficult time deciding to favor that bill – ultimately siding with justice for the victim. But it was not an easy decision for me.

And then there are issues about judging behavior of the past by today’s standards. Is it fair to judge what was a common practice of yesterday by the standards of our day?

One might answer that it is. After all someone was hurt and mistreated by those practices – innocent though they may have been see in that day. That everyone was not wise about it then doesn’t matter to the victim. He was hurt and deserves to have justice.

Here too innocent people suffer collateral damage only because they were guided by the conventional wisdom of their day. What today is seen as a cover-up was in those days considered to be standard operating procedure.

And how do we judge the reactions of differing communities? Should we judge one community by a higher standard than another?

And what about differing acts? Is all inappropriate contact the same?

I once asked this of a psychologist who treats sexually abused children. He answered my question with a question. I asked him if a Rebbe would innocently playfully pat a fully clothed child on rear end – sort of the way a football coach might be seen doing from time to time to his players – is that considered sex abuse? His answer was the following: If someone came up to me and offered me money to pat my fully clothed child on the rear, would I take it and allow him to do it?

Well, put that way, of course not. The offer to pay me would show that his entire purpose was to get sexual gratification for it. But if a teacher did it in the same playful way that a football coach might – without any sexual intent, it would not bother me at all. Nor do I think a child would suffer traumatically from it in that way. But this educated professional did not make any distinction.

About the Author: Harry Maryles runs the blog "Emes Ve-Emunah" which focuses on current events and issues that effect the Jewish world in general and Orthodoxy in particular. It discuses Hashkafa and news events of the day - from a Centrist perspctive and a philosphy of Torah U'Mada. He can be reached at hmaryles@yahoo.com.

The author's opinion does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Jewish Press.

If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

2 Responses to “What Is Sexual Abuse?”

  1. The temples were destroyed because of Sinat Chinam, hatred of Jews for one another.

    We live in a world of sinat chinum in Judaism. The temples were destroyed because Jews hated each other. I fear another Holocaust is around the corner if we Jews do not unite. Anti-Semitism is rampant in Europe and many countries are becoming Judenrein. Israel faces terrible enemies. Extremist Muslims are the new Nazis AND THEY DO NOT HIDE THEIR DESIRE TO DESTROY ISRAEL AND JEWS WORLDWIDE. Why are we Jews so eager to wash our dirty laundry in public for the entire world to see.

    Regarding Rabbi Aryeh Goodman, it does not matter whether he is Chabad or not as long as that is what he considers himself. Regarding whether he believes The Rebbe was the Mashiach, that is his opinion and his right to believe. This does not pertain to his innocence or guilt. There have been enough stories regarding the alleged incident. The same is true regarding the incidents at Yeshiva University. Let the courts decide guilt or innocence. Must we give anti-Semites more ammunition to hate us and want to destroy us. I know there will be those who may disagree with me and attack me using an alias. By now my readers know I say what I believe. I have been attacked in the press by an individual in this community stating I have no following. I speak out because it is the right thing to do.

    Rabbi Dr. Bernhard Rosenberg

  2. Jewish Law and the Tragedy of Sexual Abuse of Children.
    – The Dilemma within the Orthodox Jewish Community.
    Steven H. Resnicoff* suggest everyone read this article RABBI DR. BERNHARD ROSENBERG

Comments are closed.

Binyamin and Chaya Maryles, uncle and aunt of Emes Ve-Emunah author Harry Maryles.
Current Top Story
Iranian oil tanker (file photo).
Iran Banks on End to Sanctions, Will Raise Oil Production to 1M bpd
Latest Blogs Stories
Flag of Norway

Gentile friends of Israel came from all over Norway & Europe and they sang “Hatikva” in Norwegian!

Anti-violence protest in Tel Aviv

As the incitement begins again against the settlers, the religious and the Right, let’s review the list of children killed by terrorists.

Inside of the home burned in the Prce Tag attack in the village of Duma.

Reports of a dead baby, a devastated family, and indications of a gloating attacker.

Graffiti found on a building in the village of Duma.

In all the years (and this week it’s exactly 14 years) since our daughter was murdered, we have not found a single Arabic-language post, article, tweet or speech condemning that attack in the center of Jerusalem or the killings.

Everyone is angry at the ongoing Arab terrorism, but what does murdering a baby have to do with protecting Jewish lives or furthering Jewish settlement in the Land of Israel?

Tonight, live Meerkat interactive video tour and talk in Jerusalem.

The US doesn’t want Pollard & he doesn’t want America- release him with 1 condition: No return to US

Meet Republican US presidential candidate Kerry Bowers & listen to his message to the Israeli public

Amongst the Palestinians (sic) what is promoted and praised for its young people? Terror & martyrdom

“If you can’t negotiate with your enemy, why negotiate at all?” Great sound bite. The press loved it

The phenomenon pushing limits of Orthodoxy to the extreme left has no chance of becoming mainstream

Discussing, what should you do if you are feeling overstressed in your job and are tempted to quit?

Considering Esther Pollard’s group mismanaged his case, Pollard’s chances of parole are slim

Detention Camps for US Jews? Sounds farfetched but it did to Japanese-Americans during WW II as well

We asked the soldiers, what will you tell your children you did during the Disengagement?

The Arab terrorist murderer who murdered Malachi Rosenfeld,(HY”D)last month, was an American citizen

More Articles from Harry Maryles
Woman_rabbi

The phenomenon pushing limits of Orthodoxy to the extreme left has no chance of becoming mainstream

open orthodoxy

There needs to be clarity about what is & isn’t acceptable in Orthodoxy; That should be the debate.

Imperative to get world’s Jewish billionaires to support Jewish education like their other projects

No legitimate Orthodox body in the States or Israel accepts “Open Orthodoxy.” They went too far.

Obama is not anti Israel. He’s just misguided, perhaps blinded by his desire to force a peace treaty

{Originally posted to the author’s website, Emes Ve-Emunah} The inevitable finally happened. Rabbi Avi Weiss has dispensed with his prior refusal to call his female ordainees ‘rabbis’.  I challenged him to stop dancing around that title with made up titles  (like Raba and Maharat) and he finally rose to the challenge. His motivation in not […]

Existence requires meaning. Believing all random and without meaning is a horrible fate for mankind

People see a healthy parochial school system vs an anemic public school system and draw conclusions

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/blogs/haemtza/what-is-sexual-abuse/2013/01/14/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: