web analytics
October 30, 2014 / 6 Heshvan, 5775
At a Glance
Blogs
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



What Is Sexual Abuse?

Should a university be sued because their officials at that time misread those events as relatively harmless?
YU President Richard Joel (L) with past President Rabbi Dr. Norman Lamm.

YU President Richard Joel (L) with past President Rabbi Dr. Norman Lamm.
Photo Credit: Maxine Dovere

I have to admit that the sex abuse issue is one of the most difficult issues for me to deal with in all of Judaism. Like many others, I used to think this kind of thing is unthinkable in the world of Orthodox Jewry. When in the past I heard rumors about people like that, I simply did not believe them. I have of course since come to believe that not only does it happen in the Orthodox world , it seems to happen about as frequently as it does in the rest of the world.

What is sexual abuse? And what is it not? Is all physical contact between two people wrong? Are there gradations of abuse? Do all people react the same way when they are abused Should we treat different forms of abuse the same way?

There are many things one must consider before making judgments about any given situation. In my view some types of abuse is worse than others.

There are also collateral damage issues, like who gets hurt in the process of seeking justice for the victim… or those rare cases (and they do exist although they are all but ignored these days) where innocent people get accused and are tainted for life even when accusations are proven false.

This is not about whether all reasonable suspicions of abuse should be reported to the police. They should. And in my view they need not be vetted by rabbis. But I think it is still fair to look at the whole picture.

What is justice in cases of abuse?

Although justice might include financial compensation to victims by abusers and their enablers, it is very possible that good institutions long after any abuse took place – and long after the abusers, faculty, administration, and board of directors have left to be replaced by an entirely new generation of same – could be ruined by overly generous punitive damages awarded by a jury or judge. The Agudah claim that old lawsuits brought against such institutions is unfair in those cases is a legitimate concern . The new people there may not even be aware that abuse ever took place there by a one time employee decades ago.

I’m not saying they shouldn’t be sued. Perhaps they should as the Markey Bill would have allowed. But the facts remain the same. What is fair to one person may be unfair to another. And the collateral damage could be huge. That is why I had a difficult time deciding to favor that bill – ultimately siding with justice for the victim. But it was not an easy decision for me.

And then there are issues about judging behavior of the past by today’s standards. Is it fair to judge what was a common practice of yesterday by the standards of our day?

One might answer that it is. After all someone was hurt and mistreated by those practices – innocent though they may have been see in that day. That everyone was not wise about it then doesn’t matter to the victim. He was hurt and deserves to have justice.

Here too innocent people suffer collateral damage only because they were guided by the conventional wisdom of their day. What today is seen as a cover-up was in those days considered to be standard operating procedure.

And how do we judge the reactions of differing communities? Should we judge one community by a higher standard than another?

And what about differing acts? Is all inappropriate contact the same?

I once asked this of a psychologist who treats sexually abused children. He answered my question with a question. I asked him if a Rebbe would innocently playfully pat a fully clothed child on rear end – sort of the way a football coach might be seen doing from time to time to his players – is that considered sex abuse? His answer was the following: If someone came up to me and offered me money to pat my fully clothed child on the rear, would I take it and allow him to do it?

Well, put that way, of course not. The offer to pay me would show that his entire purpose was to get sexual gratification for it. But if a teacher did it in the same playful way that a football coach might – without any sexual intent, it would not bother me at all. Nor do I think a child would suffer traumatically from it in that way. But this educated professional did not make any distinction.

About the Author: Harry Maryles runs the blog "Emes Ve-Emunah" which focuses on current events and issues that effect the Jewish world in general and Orthodoxy in particular. It discuses Hashkafa and news events of the day - from a Centrist perspctive and a philosphy of Torah U'Mada. He can be reached at hmaryles@yahoo.com.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

2 Responses to “What Is Sexual Abuse?”

  1. The temples were destroyed because of Sinat Chinam, hatred of Jews for one another.

    We live in a world of sinat chinum in Judaism. The temples were destroyed because Jews hated each other. I fear another Holocaust is around the corner if we Jews do not unite. Anti-Semitism is rampant in Europe and many countries are becoming Judenrein. Israel faces terrible enemies. Extremist Muslims are the new Nazis AND THEY DO NOT HIDE THEIR DESIRE TO DESTROY ISRAEL AND JEWS WORLDWIDE. Why are we Jews so eager to wash our dirty laundry in public for the entire world to see.

    Regarding Rabbi Aryeh Goodman, it does not matter whether he is Chabad or not as long as that is what he considers himself. Regarding whether he believes The Rebbe was the Mashiach, that is his opinion and his right to believe. This does not pertain to his innocence or guilt. There have been enough stories regarding the alleged incident. The same is true regarding the incidents at Yeshiva University. Let the courts decide guilt or innocence. Must we give anti-Semites more ammunition to hate us and want to destroy us. I know there will be those who may disagree with me and attack me using an alias. By now my readers know I say what I believe. I have been attacked in the press by an individual in this community stating I have no following. I speak out because it is the right thing to do.

    Rabbi Dr. Bernhard Rosenberg

  2. Jewish Law and the Tragedy of Sexual Abuse of Children.
    – The Dilemma within the Orthodox Jewish Community.
    Steven H. Resnicoff* suggest everyone read this article RABBI DR. BERNHARD ROSENBERG

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Binyamin and Chaya Maryles, uncle and aunt of Emes Ve-Emunah author Harry Maryles.
Current Top Story
Abbas and the Temple Mount: "It's mine, all mine. No Jews allowed.
Abbas Declares Closure of Al Aqsa Mosque a ‘Declaration of War’
Latest Blogs Stories
YG

Please pray for a complete recovery, רפואה שלימה for Yehuda Yehoshua Ben Rivka Ita Breindel Glick.

12

Obama/Kerry hate Bibi, because he is what they aren’t: smart and was a real soldier in the top unit.

Adolf Hitler and the representative of the Palestinian Arabs, the Mufti of Jerusalem, Amin al-Husseini, December, 1941.

Palestinian anti-Semitism in 2014 is more extreme and mainstream than German A/S in the 1930s.

Arabs turn their back on the Dome of the Rock to pray towards Mecca, Ramadan 2009

Here are 5 quick facts that prove Jerusalem was NEVER A Muslim Holy City.

For further proof that there’s no justice for Jews in this world, the United Nations Security sic Council is planning to meet about Israel’s building plans. (Reuters) – The U.N. Security Council will hold an emergency meeting this week on recent tensions between Israel and the Palestinians in East Jerusalem due to Israel’s plans to build more […]

When is it a good idea to accept a “draw” and when is it better not to do so?

The AlephBet soup of American Jewish organizations must demand an apology and retraction from the Obama Administration to the Jewish People for this crass and vulgar insult to the leader of the Jewish People.

How bad is it? It is a battle royal tearing at the very heart of the yeshiva world.

Zionism brought Yesha to life, attracting Jews and Arabs to the area.

The “bag tax” is eco-terrorism against the Israeli consumer. Have our MK’s reviewed any studies on its environmental impact, or is it all just touchy-feely?

MS. PSAKI: He asked me if we thought he (molotov-cocktail throwing Arab-US citizen was a terrorist, and I said no.

Abbas’s charge of racism spans the entirety of Israeli society.

Why do people often sabotage their own success ?

The best locations for more housing is Yesha and Jerusalem because of convenience and low land cost

Weeping for the heroism of our soldiers, the miracle of our return home, the endless years of exile

A terror attack and a legitimate policing action are not equal. There’s never an excuse for terror.

More Articles from Harry Maryles
siamese chareidis

How bad is it? It is a battle royal tearing at the very heart of the yeshiva world.

The New York Times building is only the cover page for what goes

In the vast majority of cases, they are truly people in need, the fraudulent have been weeded out,

Kids bring in the light and let out the darkness through breathing exercises; it changes people.

If I make a million dollars in 2 weeks, how can I observe something like this and sit by quietly?”

“Shuls that are full on Friday night were fuller than normal, looking more like Yom Kippur”

I can’t blame these people for seeing women that way, it’s how they are raised-I blame the Hashkafa

Though the Talmud doesn’t give instructions, Metzitza has always been done B’Peh – by oral suction.

If not scared by God be scared by man; Hopefully ethics will integrate into lives for proper reasons

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/blogs/haemtza/what-is-sexual-abuse/2013/01/14/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: