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Negative behavior: threats, attacks, sarcasm, rudeness — How do you perceive your spouse’s behavior? What are their inner feelings?

Negative behavior: defensiveness, shyness, withdrawn, uncommunicative —How do you perceive your spouse’s behavior? What are their inner feelings?

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Negative behavior: judging, criticizing, disapproving — How do you perceive your spouse’s behavior? What are their inner feelings?

Here are some possible answers

Negative behavior: threats, attacks, sarcasm, rudeness — How do you perceive your spouse’s behavior? Obnoxious, hostile, aggressive. What are their inner feelings? Hurt, anxious, embarrassed, fearful.

Negative behavior: defensiveness, shyness, withdrawn, uncommunicative —How do you perceive your spouse’s behavior? Rejecting, suspicious, mistrustful, apprehensive.

What are their inner feelings? Angry, resentful, insecure, disappointed.

Negative behavior: judging, criticizing, disapproving — How do you perceive your spouse’s behavior? Resentful, bitter, indignant. What are their inner feelings? Overly self-critical, insecure, angry.

If you’re good at reading between the lines, you’ll notice that outer expressions of anger and sadness often emerge from inner feelings of insecurity or discontent. Think about the stresses in your life that cause you to be cranky, upset or just miserable to be around. Feelings of rejection are often scrambled in our inner world and then dished out at others who just happen to get in our way. All of us have days when we get upset at the people closest to us, but usually it is just that we are upset by other circumstances such as getting yelled at by our boss, receiving a parking ticket or missing the bus. For a marriage to succeed, you need to know when your wife or husband is just having a bad day or if other “inner world” need are not being met.

Let’s take a look at some of the issues that can guide you through your spouse’s inner world. They include:

* Self Esteem
* Individuality
* Love and Friendship
* Control
* Spirituality

In the following weeks we will explore these five levels and utilize a new test to help you identify your level of “relationship” intelligence with your spouse and ways you can improve your marriage.

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Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. He is an expert in marriage counseling, pre-marital education, treating Anxiety and Depression, and helping teens in crisis with offices in Brooklyn. To watch his free videos on marriage and parenting and for appointments visit: www.JewishMarriageSupport.com, email rabbischonbuch@yahoo.com or call 646-428-4723.

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