web analytics
December 21, 2014 / 29 Kislev, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



I Don’t Buy It

Schmutter-101212

Telemarketers are annoying. The call comes in, and as when every call comes, you jump up and leap over furniture and knock over kids to get to the phone, which you have to find by sound because you have no idea where it is, and then you pick it up to find that it’s someone who insists that he’s not trying to sell you anything. And they usually call as soon as you sit down to dinner. This is why I stand when I eat. At the ready.

I could always tell what kind of call it is when the guy, right off the bat, mispronounces my name. This guy calls people he doesn’t know for a living, he should know all the last-name pronunciation tricks. I don’t know a single name that begins with “Sch” that’s pronounced “Sk.” Why does every telemarketer break their teeth? Good, mispronounce my name. That’ll make me feel good about this call.

You can check the caller ID, but most of the time it doesn’t say a name for these places. It says a number you don’t recognize, so you go, “I might as well pick up! I already knocked over the whole house looking for the phone! Maybe it’s someone calling to give me money! By phone!”

I get very annoyed at telemarketers; probably because of all the exercise they make me do. If there’s something I want to buy, I know how to go about getting it. I’m not sitting at home, calling up to the heavens: “I wish there was some way to get magazine subscriptions. But how? I wish someone would call!” Or, “I have all this extra money, and no idea what to do with it. Should I shove it out the window? I wish there was some kind of sign!”

Even people who love shopping don’t like doing it this way. This is a very specific type of shopping to like.

Apparently, the “Do Not Call” list doesn’t work. My mother-in-law still calls. And so do all these companies. I have some companies that call every single day to sell me the same thing, no matter how many times I tell them I’m not interested. They agree that their product is definitely not for me, and then they call back the next day.

“Didn’t I tell you I wasn’t interested?”

“No, I don’t think that was me.”

“Um, if you remember me saying it, it was you.”

“Oh. So are you interested?”

I’m not going to buy something just to get them to stop calling. Especially when I don’t believe for one second that they would stop calling if I actually bought it. They’re obviously not very good at taking people off their list.

For example, there’s one company that’s absolutely dying to save me money on a home security system. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you don’t buy a home security system from someone you’ve never heard of, because you’re basically giving them a way to break into your house. I explained that to the guy, and I told him that there was no argument he could give that would convince me otherwise, because anything he said would be exactly what an unscrupulous person would say. So he hung up. Then he called me a few hours later.

“Didn’t you just call me this morning?” I asked.

“No,” he said.

Oh, a liar. That’s someone I want to buy a home security system from.

So sometimes when these companies call, I say something like, “Wow, I’m glad you called!”

“Really?” they ask.

“Yeah! I was just about to call you!”

Option 2 is to try to sell them something: “So listen, would you like to buy some arts and crafts?”

There are other things you can sell as well.

“So listen, my kids’ school is having a raffle. How would you like to go to Israel? Israel. It’s in the Middle East. Seriously, you sell National Geographic.”

Then if they decline, I can say, “I’m sorry, did you call me at a bad time?”

Have a question for “You’re Asking Me?” Send it in. Or you can call me, but be prepared to buy something.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “I Don’t Buy It”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
funny rocket joke
Israel Retaliates: Hits Terror Tunnel Cement Factory
Latest Sections Stories
Games-121914

Here are examples of games that need to be played by more than one person and an added bonus: they’re all Shabbos-friendly.

South-Florida-logo

The incident was completely unforeseeable. The only term to describe the set of circumstances surrounding it is “freak occurrence.”

South-Florida-logo

The first Chabad Center in Broward County, Chabad of South Broward, now runs nearly fifty programs and agencies. T

The NHS was also honored to have Bob Diener as keynote speaker.

Written with flowing language and engaging style, Attar weaves a spell that combines mystery, humor, adventure and Kabbalah in the most magical place in the world, the Old City of erusalem.

There are those who highlight the diversity of these different teachings, seeing each rebbe as teaching a separate path.

Rav Dynovisz will be speaking in Hebrew on Wednesday, January 7, at 7:30 p.m.

Rabbi Simeon Schreiber, senior chaplain at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami Beach, saw a small room in the hospital that was dark and dismal but could be used for Sabbath guests.

“The secret to a good donut is using quality ingredients and the ability to be patient and give them time to proof.”

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

The Liberty Bell is a symbol of American Independence.

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

Try these with your kids; there’s something for every age group and once all the recipes are made, dinner will be ready!

You children will build the country and you will help restore Israel to her former glory.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-121214

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

Schmutter-111414-Bed

So the real question is, “How can we, as hosts, make sure our guest beds are comfortable?” Because your guests will never say anything.

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40.

Alternatively, you can try your absolute hardest to listen whenever she says anything.

Father’s Day comes every year. How many drills can you get him?

This week, I’m asking the questions for a change.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/i-dont-buy-it/2012/10/14/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: