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October 23, 2014 / 29 Tishri, 5775
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Groggers’ Yidvid Nose Job Doc in Trouble with ASPS

Miami plastic surgeon Dr. Michael Salzhauer, decided on an original, innovative, funny and relatively cheap way to reach the potentially bottomless market of nose job enthusiasts – young Jews ages 15-30 – and have fun doing it. So he hired the Groggers, an up and coming Orthodox rock band from Queens, and traded a nose job for their young Depardieu -lookalike leader Doug Staiman in return for the hilarious Jewish video entermercial “Jewcan Sam.” Now the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS) wants to lower the boom on the guy.

“Since when are doctors trading services for a music video?” asked Dr. Salzhauer’s publicist Kay Kelly in an email to the Jewish Press, and explained: “This is the new medical landscape where doctors are differentiating themselves to raise awareness of their services. It is positioned to go viral and be a hit with high school students.”

You need another proof the Groggers are HOT?

You need another proof the Groggers are HOT?

“I told him, ‘It’s funny you’re commissioning us to do this, because most of our band members have these massive, deformed noses,’” Staiman told ABC News. “And he generously offered nose jobs to the entire band. But I was the only one who went through with it.”

The Yidvid is a satirical sketch and song depicting the eternal theme of Jew wants blonde – Jews reduces shnoz – Jew gets blonde. It’s absolutely funny, and it helped promote not just the good nose doctor’s business, but also the career of the Groggers, who are just off the charts these days (watch for an exclusive interview with the Jewish Press this coming weekend!).

But it didn’t seem funny, not funny at all, to Dr. Malcolm Roth, president of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, who was shocked, just shocked, telling reporters “This is just disturbing that a doctor would play into the frailties of the human condition.”

OMG, talk about giving hypocrisy a bad name…

The American Society of Plastic Surgeons, of which Salzhauer is a member, said the video is “offensive and inappropriate.”

The ASPS says it “has initiated an investigation under its Code of Ethics which clearly requires ASPS members to uphold the dignity and honor of the medical profession.”

Please refer to our earlier OMG, why waste good screen space? Just think kettles and frying pans…

Dr. Roth said he could not comment specifically on the investigation (he only initiated it, after all, and paid for the tar and feathers) but, “generally speaking,” if a member of ASPS is found guilt of breaching its Code of Ethics, he or she could be placed on probation, lose their membership, and even lose their board certification.

There’s no end to what you can do if you were born without a sense of humor.

 

Check out the lyrics to The Groggers’ Jewcan Sam

I want her, but she don’t want what I am.
She says you got a beak like Jewcan Sam.
She says I only go with guys,
With perfect upturned noses, so cut yours down to size

And I’ll be everything you wanted
I’ll be everything you need
Watch the passerby’s will flash their eyes
When we walk down the street

And we would live like we were famous
With the stars all in our eyes
And I would love you till forever
If you got your nose circumcised

I want her unconditionally
But she’s got one big condition to be with me
Sometimes I sit and say if only, I looked more like Tom Cruise
And less like Adrien Brody
I’d be less lonely

She said a guy like you and a girl like me
Only happens in the movies
No matter what you do, or how hard you fight
Pinocchio never got Snow White

And I’ll be everything you wanted
I’ll be everything you need
Watch the passerby’s will flash their eyes
When we walk down the street

And we would live like we were famous
We would be forever young
And I would love you till forever
If you just got your nose done

This Sunday we hope to present the Jewish Press’ exclusive interview with Grogger band leader Doug Staiman, who’s just celebrated a Marquis-topping show at the Gramercy theater and a spot on New York’s 102.7 KissFM. Until then, watch the videos, be kind to others, and as to that nose job, for heaven’s sake, ask for a second opinion…

About the Author: Yori Yanover has been a working journalist since age 17, before he enlisted and worked for Ba'Machane Nachal. Since then he has worked for Israel Shelanu, the US supplement of Yedioth, JCN18.com, USAJewish.com, Lubavitch News Service, Arutz 7 (as DJ on the high seas), and the Grand Street News. He has published Dancing and Crying, a colorful and intimate portrait of the last two years in the life of the late Lubavitch Rebbe, (in Hebrew), and two fun books in English: The Cabalist's Daughter: A Novel of Practical Messianic Redemption, and How Would God REALLY Vote.


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4 Responses to “Groggers’ Yidvid Nose Job Doc in Trouble with ASPS”

  1. Adam Dalgliesh says:

    This article is a truly outrageous example of Jewish self-hatred and assimilationism. I am shocked that a supposedly Orthodox Jewish publication like the Jewish Press would publish such self-hating garbage. The aquiline or bulbous noses of some Jews are a proof of our Middle Eastern origins and descent from the the original inhabitants of the Land of Israel-Palestine. To accept the ridicule of our Jewish-Semitic noses by Aryanist racists, among them Nazis, and to advocate “fixing” our noses to accommodate the tastes of people of “Nordic” background, is cringing and shambling in the face of antisemitism, and internalizing the anti-Semites’ contempt for Jews. Still worse, the article and attached video suggest that “nose jobs” on Jewish men will help them to “hook up” with Gentile girls (“blondes.” What’s wrong with a curly-headed Jewish brunette?). Is this the kind of activity that an Orthodox Jewish newspaper wants to encourage? Shame, shame, shame on you, Jewish Press!

  2. Adam Dalgliesh says:

    I am utterly shocked that the Jewish Press would post a self-hating antisemitic story and attached video suggesting that Jewish noses are inferior and offensive–a typically Nazi, anti-Semitic stereotype–and advocate for “nose jobs” as a means of escaping anti-Semitic prejudice. Once we accept the anti-Semites’ claims that our natural Near Eastern, Semitic physiognomy is offensive and a “fault” that we need to “correct,” we have accepted anti-Semitic stereotyping and propaganda. Still worse, the article and video advocate “nose jobs” for Jewish men as a means of “hooking up” with Gentile women (“blondes”). Are these the attitudes and behavior that a supposedly Orthodox Jewish newspaper should be encouraging? Shame, Shame, Shame on the Jewish Press!

  3. Anonymous says:

    I am utterly shocked that the Jewish Press would post a self-hating antisemitic story and attached video suggesting that Jewish noses are inferior and offensive–a typically Nazi, anti-Semitic stereotype–and advocate for "no jobs" as a means of escaping anti-Semitic prejudice. Once we accept the anti-Semites' claims that our natural Near Eastern, Semitic physiognomy is offensive and a "fault" that we need to "correct," we have accepted anti-Semitic stereotyping and propaganda. Still worse, the article and video advocate "nose jobs" for Jewish men as a means of "hooking up" with Gentile women ("blondes"). Are these the attitudes and behavior that a supposedly Orthodox Jewish newspaper should be encouraging? Shame, Shame, Shame on the Jewish Press!

  4. Mark Shachar says:

    I disagree with Adam. Besides the fact that all girls in video are dressed modestly implying they are Jewish, imho, the underlying message is positive. The guy who thinks that looks are everything and even does something about it finds out in the end that he was silly to think that his looks mattered to the girl he was after.

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