web analytics
April 28, 2015 / 9 Iyar, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Help Wanted

Respler-040612

In therapy she learned to stop her silent treatment and incessant crying. It took a lot of courage, but she would sometimes laugh at the joke publicly and then tell him privately that she laughed so as not to embarrass him, but that his joke had hurt her. She would tell him calmly that she knew he did not mean to hurt her, and would ask him to think before speaking. She continued to treat him respectfully, and spoke to him calmly.

At first the husband was totally unprepared for her reaction and did not know how to respond. However, she kept on firmly telling him how he had hurt her, but insinuated that perhaps he did not do it on purpose. This continued until the husband finally admitted that he hated himself for hurting her. He decided to attempt to change his behavior.

He reached the conclusion that he needed help in bolstering his self-esteem, since he acted this way publicly due to his own insecurity. Since his wife created a loving and warm atmosphere whereby she accepted him and changed her countermove when he embarrassed her, he eventually attended therapy to learn how to behave differently in social situations. In therapy he realized that his mother had always embarrassed him publicly.  What he had been doing was considered a “repetition compulsion,” where he repeated his mother’s behavior, but focusing it on his wife.  He was finally able to control his behavior and their marriage became loving and respectful.

These examples show that it is possible to change a marriage by initiating therapy on your own. In both cases the reluctant spouse entered treatment after seeing the marriage partner change his or her countermoves.

Hatzlachah in your quest to improve your marriage. I hope the aforementioned examples help you make the right choice and assist you in getting the help that you need!

About the Author: Letters may be emailed to deardryael@aol.com. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Help Wanted”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Desperate crowd awaits relief aid at Yarmouk Palestinian refugee camp in Damascus.
US: UNRWA Gets Add’l $6M for Yarmouk ‘Palestinians,’ Only $10M for Nepal
Latest Sections Stories
Teens-Twenties-logo

The poetry slam required entrants to compose original poetry with powerful imagery and energetic rhythm bringing their poems to life – making it palpable to the audience.

Teens-Twenties-logo

“I was so inspired by the beautiful lessons I learned and by the holiness around me that I just couldn’t stop writing songs!” she says.

Schonfeld-logo1

But Pi Day is worst of all
I want the extra credit bad
But trying to remember many numbers
makes me sad.

Several thousand Eastern European Jews had escaped Nazi death and Soviet persecution by fleeing to Shanghai, China.

Now that we’re back to chometz, it’s just the right time to give thought to our wellbeing. Who doesn’t want to lose a few bulky matzah-and-potato pounds? Who wouldn’t like to eat smarter and feel better? If you’re like most people I know, these are probably the first things you’d like to address. It’s time […]

My mother-in-law and I have had our problems since the beginning of my marriage.

It was Lia van Leer who changed the image of filmmaking in Israel so that it is now seen as an expression of culture and not mere entertainment.

“People who never buy cookbooks are getting this one,” said Victoria. “They read it cover to cover and find it so interesting.”

We have recently witnessed how other minorities deal with even perceived danger aimed at their brothers and sisters. They respond in great numbers.

The Hebrew Academy students took part in all categories and used successful and innovative techniques to achieve their goals.

“The objective behind establishing small communities as places for relocation was a remedy for the excessive cost of housing and education in the large New York metropolitan market,” Mr. Savitsky explained.

Jewish Democrats did not entirely trust the son of Joseph Kennedy, a man broadly considered to be both anti-Semitic and pro-Nazi.

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-logo-NEW

My mother-in-law and I have had our problems since the beginning of my marriage.

Respler-041715

It is very natural for kids to want attention and to be jealous of each other, especially when there is a new baby.

How can you expect people who go through such gehenom to even know how to give warmth and love?

Isn’t therapy about being yourself; aren’t there different ways for people to communicate with each other?

I believe that Hashem will only bring Moshiach when we finally achieve achdus.

I love my husband dearly and I do everything to make him happy.

Men and women have different roles to play in marriages and as parents.

The husband needs to make some changes!

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/help-wanted/2012/04/05/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: