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Meir’s love language is Words of Affirmation which he feels he does not get from Shani. Shani’s love language is Quality time which she feels she does not get from Meir.

We analyzed what they needed and then set up a schedule. Meir does not really need to spend time with Shani – he loves to work, learn Gemara, and eat great meals. Their personal life is fine, but Shani wants to talk more and actually do things with Meir. Meir wants to come home and hear that he is a hard worker and is appreciated for it. Meir and Shani both need to leave their own comfort zones and try to give to the other, what the other actually desires.

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Although Meir may not need to spend as much time with Shani, he will have to carve out time in his busy schedule to “date” Shani and give her his undivided attention. Although Shani feels that she appreciates Meir and does not need to say it, she will have to make sure that she is complimenting her husband and pointing out how much his actions mean to her.

Dr. Chapman outlines five love languages:

Words of Affirmation – words that make you feel appreciated and special.
Quality Time – doing things together.
Gifts – any type of gifts, does not have to be expensive and can be home made, its just about being thoughtful.
Acts of Service – making supper, cleaning, serving etc.
Physical Touch – having a physical relationship.

Most people need to receive all of these things, but everyone has a Love Language, a way that they make others feel loved and a way that they feel loved. If you are able to have a conversation with your husband and learn each other’s love language, then perhaps, he will feel more loved by you and vise versa. Just by asking this question shows that you care deeply about him and your relationship. Try to open those lines of communication, so that your husband will know that you are attempting to change. Hatzlocha!

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Dr. Yael Respler is a psychotherapist in private practice who provides marital, dating and family counseling. Dr. Respler also deals with problems relating to marital intimacy. Letters may be emailed to deardryael@aol.com. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887. Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, a child psychologist, co-authors this column and is now in private practice providing complete pychological evaluations as well as child and adolescent therapy. She can be reached at 917-679-1612. Previous columns can be viewed at www.jewishpress.com and archives of Dr. Respler’s radio shows can be found at www.dryaelrespler.com.