web analytics
January 30, 2015 / 10 Shevat, 5775
 
At a Glance
InDepth
Sponsored Post


Home » InDepth » Columns »

A Shidduch Solution?

  In previous articles, I wrote about what I felt was an excellent way for young people to meet, and that was through setups by recently married couples.  The thought behind it was that since the young husband and wife were compatible, it was likely that their friends would also have hashkafot, personalities and interests that would be well-suited – in keeping with the adage, “Birds of a feather flock together.”


 The young couple could either make a shidduch suggestion and his friend would make a date with her friend – or they could have several of them as guests for Shabbat.  In that environment, during a leisurely, non-pressured Shabbat meal, the young people could get an initial glimpse of each other’s looks and personality – and go from there if there was a mutual interest.


 However, after spending a recent Shabbat with my son and his family, I think this concept of having singles as guests as a way of collectively “introducing” one another, should be expanded. 


In addition to my being at my son’s Shabbat table, so were my machatunim, their son who was home from yeshiva; a middle-aged divorced man; and two of my daughter-in-law’s friends, who are not yet married.


During Friday night dinner, there was much back and forth conversation, with everyone asking or answering questions, (the typical “where are you from, what do you do” ones) and what struck me was the fact that even though some at the table were married, some single, some in their 20′s, some a bit older  (actually quite a few years older, but who’s counting) – we were really getting to know one another.


 Even better, we all hailed from different cities and Jewish communities – and most of us of us had, over the years, lived in quite a few, and had friends, relatives or  acquaintances all over the United States and Canada.


It occurred to me that our gathering had provided an incredible networking opportunity for both the younger and older singles. Conceivably, one of the 20 something girls – both of whom came from the mid-west, might know of a widow/divorcee looking for a husband in his 40′s and suggest her to the divorced man she was chatting with. Or likewise, my machitim could know of a bachur who learns at his Daf Yomi shuir who closely matched what one of the girls had described as her ideal mate.  With or without an immediate “ureka! moment”- we could still  keep them in mind.


This networking opportunity can and should be replicated at Shabbat/Yom Tov tables in all our communities. It wouldn’t matter if there is an age/ hashkafah difference between hosts and guests. Kollel and yeshivish families, for example, have friends or  relatives with sons who are “working boys” who might be compatible with their Shabbat guest who is looking for an “earner”.


Or 10 year old “Avrumi” whose best friend’s mother is divorced, might think that she’d really get along with that funny, friendly, divorced man sitting across from him, cracking those awful jokes – and say something.


The fact is that everybody – married or single, young or old – can suggest a shidduch. No one lives in a vacuum.  In our community, where it is common to grow up in one place, go to school in another, and work elsewhere – people know people.


Of course, many suggestions might be totally out of the ball park – but that is the case in many shiddichim, even those presented by professional matchmakers.


But there is always the possibility that there will be a “home run” – and two fewer singles struggling to meet their basherts.


Perhaps baalbatim can get in touch with shadchins for the names of singles who either live or are visiting their community, and invite them as guests for a meal or two, along with a married or single neighbor or friend from the community who also might be from somewhere else originally.


  For example, a shadchin in Flatbush tells a baal bayit or his wife that a young man is coming in from LA, and they invite him for Friday night dinner. He also invites a married member of the shul whose wife is from Montreal. Chances are, after doing “Jewish geography” (and even discovering mutual acquaintances – who can be used as references) that a light bulb might go off in someone’s head. The former Montrealer might have a childhood friend who moved to Toronto whose daughter is in the parsha  and currently studying in New York.


And who knows, a previous guest might one day be instrumental in setting up the hosting family’s son or daughter who he/she met when they were teenagers and who are now dating.
It’s a win – win situation that involves fulfilling the mitzvah of chachnashat orchid, while potentially being an efficient weapon” against the scourge of the shidduch crisis.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “A Shidduch Solution?”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
ISIS murderers threatening Obama
ISIS: We Will Behead Obama, Make US Part of the Caliphate [video]
Latest Indepth Stories
Rabbi Berel Wein

“We Jews are the only people who when we drop a book on the floor pick it up and kiss it.”

Rabbi Sholom Klass

Though Zaide was the publisher of The Jewish Press, a big newspaper,I always remember him learning

Sheldon Silver

Speaker Silver has been an extraordinary public servant since his election to the Assembly in 1975 and has been an exemplary leader of that body since 1994.

He spent the first leg of his daylong visit to the French capital at Hyper Cacher.

Drawing Congress into the Iran nuclear debate is the last thing the White House wants.

Great leaders like Miriam and like Sarah Schenirer possess the capacity to challenge the status quo that confronts them.

Obama’s foreign policy is viewed by both liberals and conservatives as deeply flawed

Many journalists are covertly blaming the Charlie Hebdo writers themselves through self-censorship.

Why does the Times relay different motivations and narratives for jihadists in Europe and Israel?

To defeat parasites-the hosts of terrorists-we need to deny them new people, potential terrorists

Combating Amalek doesn’t mean all who disagree with you is evil-rather whom to follow and to oppose

Desperate people take what they can, seizing opportunity to advance their main goal; the Arabs don’t

There was a glaring void in the President’s State of the Union speech: Israel.

Let’s focus not on becoming an ATM for that little bundle of joy, but on what you can save in taxes.

More Articles from Cheryl Kupfer
Kupfer-112114

Divorce from a vindictive, cruel spouse can be a lifelong nightmare when there are offspring.

Kupfer-092614-Books

Not knowing any better, I assumed that Molly and her mother must be voracious readers.

Unpleasant happenings are quickly discarded if they do not affect us directly.

I have always insisted that everything that happens to anyone or anything is min Shamayim.

It is so hurtful to heighten people’s sense of inadequacy and guilt in a matzav that is already horrendous and difficult to bear.

Make no mistake: in the wrong hands cars are weapons of mass destruction.

Where once divorce in heimische communities was relatively uncommon, nowadays every family has a son, daughter, sibling cousin who is divorced – sometimes twice or even three times!

Many go about the business of living frum, observant lives, but they are only going through the motions.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/columns/a-shidduch-solution/2008/12/31/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: