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10 Heshvan 5779 -
? Friday, October 19, 2018


Naomi Returns To Bethlehem; Last Time Jew Does So Without Military Escort

Naomi came back to Bethlehem today after 10 years, marking the final time for about three millennia that a Jew will enter the city without need of an armed escort.

Palestinians Mull Plans For When No Holocaust Survivors Left To Stab

From the Arab perspective, the future of Holocaust-survivor-stabbing is bleak, and that replacements for it will not carry the same power.

UN Blames Israel For Lousy Mobile Reception In Hamas Tunnels

“It would have been more humane to enable the doomed people trapped in tunnels to play, for example, Candy Crush.”

Israelis Hoping Livni Accepts UN Post So She Can Bring That Organization Down Too!

Israelis look forward to Livni’s eventual impact on the UN, which, if Livni’s record serves as an indicator, will descend into irrelevance and impotence.

Non-Arab Iran Willing To Fight Israel and the West Down To Very Last Arab

We are fighting a fight of survival. But it’s not our survival that’s at stake. We’ll be fine. Can’t say the same for the Arabs of the region, though.”

Therapist To Help Hamas Men In Collapsed Tunnel Who Feel ‘Trapped’

Feeling "trapped" and "no light at the end of the tunnel" has led to depression among Hamas diggers

Obama Cites Lack Of Polish Golf Courses In Skipping Auschwitz [satire]

“Many important occasions demand his (Obama's) attention and there is no way he can attend them all”

PreOccupied Territory: NGOs Can’t Hear Dying Syrians Over Sound Of How Awesome Hamas Is

“Chemical weapons? No, that couldn’t be right. Obama and Kerry promised Russia would take care of removing Assad’s stockpile.”

Abbas Honors Pigeon That Pooped On Netanyahu’s Motorcade

The defecation took place last week, as Netanyahu’s motorcade made its way through Jerusalem. Bibi has had it tough with birds: Obama compared him to 'chickensh*t' and now this. How FOWL!

Haredim Puzzled By World’s Use Of Sukkah Decorations In December

Sukkah tinsel decorations enjoy a robust market but are invariably manufactured for "another"holiday

Al Aqsa Worshipers Confused By July 4 Fireworks Not Aimed At People

Numerous worshipers at the contested holy site hesitated before commenting on the American July 4 fireworks tradition, confused by the evident lack of intent to harm others in the celebration.

Netanyahu Staff Now Using Iranian Nuke CDs As Coasters

“It would be a shame to have so many CDs go to waste. My children’s preschool can only use so many of the things in crafts projects.”

BDS Protesters Using Banners Made In Jewish Settlements

Signs of the times: BDS signs made beyond "Green Line" BDS is 'black and blue' from 'Blue and White'

CNN Offers $10K Reward For Positive Stories Of Islamists

CNN issued the offer in keeping with its policy of offsetting every negative report about Islamists

Eclipse Distraction So Successful, Mossad Plans More

“We’re chuffed to bits,” gushed a section chief in uncharacteristic exuberance.

To Get Obama’s Attention, ISIS Renames Self, ‘Global Warming’

ISIS intends to rename itself "Global Warming" in order to provoke US into confronting it seriously.

US Complains It Was Not Notified of Israel Sukkah-Building Frenzy

Aides to US President Barack Obama expressed displeasure today over not being informed of plans to assemble tens of thousands of makeshift residential structures over the last week in Jewish communities in areas both Israel and the Palestinians claim.

Amnesty International To Merge With Hamas (Satire)

“It’s a natural synergy of goals and talents,” says AI spokesman.

Jews Don’t Control the Weather? What Do You Call The Ten Plagues?

When a little bit pf Purim comes to Pesach--Trayon White brings his meteorological expertise to the Haggadah

Oh Felesteen, We Love You So, We Will Burn You Up So The Jews...

O Felesteen, We shall free you from the prison of their wicked acts of farming, through blood and fire! Mostly fire, though. Lots of it.

Ayatollahs Realize US Would, By Contrast, Veto Any UN Resolution Against Iran

“Obama.’s been angling to abandon Israel since before he took office.”

Moses Smashes Tablets At Seeing Nation Worship Two-State Solution

Moses descended from the mountain and beheld the uncontrolled passion with which the masses were dancing about the idol they had adopted.

BDS Says Vashti Boycott Of Ahashverosh Feast Their Idea

This is not the first time the BDS movement has claimed victory as the result of a development that actually runs counter to their goals.

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